These are the texts that I received from my wife Rachelle while she was driving home from work yesterday:<\/p>\n

********************************<\/p>\n

R: Oh Pickle, I just saw the worst thing!!<\/p>\n

R: A man jumped from the Lawrence overpass onto the Don Valley Parkway and I saw his body, pinned underneath a pick-up truck. Just horrifying.<\/p>\n

R: Sorry?<\/p>\n

R: Oh, I see, your lunch was horrifying.<\/p>\n

R: How sad for you that you had to eat the leftover lasagna I made the other night.<\/p>\n

R: You\u2019re very brave to endure such brutality.<\/p>\n

R: You\u2019re right, I should call it Pink Slimeasagna.<\/p>\n

R: Regardless, imagine being behind the wheel of that truck, seeing a man jump and then running over him? Good God, that person will never be the same.<\/p>\n

R: No, I don\u2019t mean the person who jumped.<\/p>\n

R: The driver.<\/p>\n

R: No, I am NOT taking video of it!!<\/p>\n

R: It would be awful for the driver to live with that, it would be a life-altering event.<\/p>\n

R: Ha-ha. Yes, I\u2019m sure that my leftover Pink Slimeasagna was a life-altering event, too. You\u2019re very funny today, dear.<\/p>\n

R: You had a coffee, didn\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

R: Sorry?<\/p>\n

R: Well, I had never thought about it until now.<\/p>\n

R: I suppose driving over a person who had just committed suicide would be more traumatic than seeing a UFO abducting a cow for probing.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

R: How would you know?<\/p>\n

R: Oh, that\u2019s right, you have lucid dreams!<\/p>\n

R: And in these lucid dreams you see UFO\u2019s and drive over suicides?<\/p>\n

R: I see.<\/p>\n

R: Right, right, Night Time is Mike Time.<\/p>\n

R: Did you really have that printed on a T-shirt in high school?<\/p>\n

R: Very cool, I bet you were very popular with the ladies.<\/p>\n

R: Sure.<\/p>\n

R: Yes, I know, you were good at sports, too.<\/p>\n

R: Now tell me, back in high school when Night Time was Mike Time, did you wear a Breathe-Rite strip to bed?<\/p>\n

R: A Lucid Dreaming sleep mask.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

R: It all makes sense now, you know.<\/p>\n

R: Me?<\/p>\n

R: I could dunk a basketball in high school.<\/p>\n

R: And I had many lovers, some of them black, black as the night, Pickle.<\/p>\n

R: I\u2019m not being racist. I\u2019m just stating a fact.<\/p>\n

R: I never told you this, but I had a baby, a black baby.<\/p>\n

R: Because I gave her up for adoption.<\/p>\n

R: I was young, that\u2019s why.<\/p>\n

R: Her name is Jada.<\/p>\n

R: Her father?<\/p>\n

R: We haven\u2019t seen one another in months, but we\u2019re Facebook friends.<\/p>\n

R: I think he knows about you.<\/p>\n

R: Yeah, I think so. Maybe.<\/p>\n

R: Not sure.<\/p>\n

R: What does he do?<\/p>\n

R: Well, he won Survivor: Fiji, but he\u2019s really an entrepreneur, philanthropist, producer and advertising executive.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

R: He looks a bit like Marvin Gaye.<\/p>\n

R: But that\u2019s all in the past!<\/p>\n

R: You wrote a letter to Erin Collins from Survivor: Thailand?<\/p>\n

R: You admired her grit?<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

R: Did she ever write back?<\/p>\n

R: Oh, that\u2019s too bad, Pickle.<\/p>\n

R: Tell me about some of your high school sweethearts!<\/p>\n

R: Oh, well I\u2019m sure playing the field was a very good strategy for you.<\/p>\n

R: Yeah, keep your options open.<\/p>\n

R: What was high school like in the 50\u2019s, anyway?<\/p>\n

R: Okay, see you soon, xox<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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