Rob Ford, the Mayor of Toronto, is a garden variety Conservative.<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

A big, heaving white guy, he\u2019s the kind of man that gets all red in the face and pumps his fist in the air shouting stuff like, \u201cthe gravy train must stop!\u201d He has tiny, receded eyes that make him look as if he\u2019s spent most of his life underground, hair that\u2019s thin, sparse and so absent of colour as to appear transparent and emits the general vibe of a defeated salesman. His life has been buckshot with the sort of Frat Boy controversy you\u2019d expect from a guy that grew up idolizing Rush Limbaugh and the CFL.<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

He\u2019s not really into the brainy, micromanaging of governance, preferring instead to \u201ctake the bull by the horns.\u201d Very often he does this by calling in to talk radio stations or writing letters to his constituents. These are some of Rob Ford\u2019s recent missives:<\/strong><\/p>\n

To a 17 year-old suspected of committing a recent robbery:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Mister Winston,<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s Rob Fucking Ford here, Mayor of Toronto.<\/strong><\/p>\n

You\u2019re scum.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want you in my city. I want you to leave my city. You\u2019re a loser and a disgrace to the honest, hard-working citizens of my city. You think it\u2019s cool to hold-up a gas station? Well, it\u2019s not. We need gas to drive our cars. Did you ever think about that? I bet you didn\u2019t. It\u2019s not a victimless crime. You\u2019re a loser and I swear, if I ever hear of you doing something like that in my city again I am going to take you out on the football field and make you my cheerleader, you bitch.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

To a militant cyclist who organized a protest on a busy street at rush hour to \u00a0bring attention to unsafe biking conditions:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Ms. Hairy Hippy Chick,<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s Rob Ford here, yeah, that Rob Ford, the Mayor of your city. Lady, it\u2019s not the 60\u2019s, shave your armpits, get a job and learn to drive a goddamn car! If I see you protesting on one of my friggin\u2019 streets again I am going to run you over in my Escalade. I\u2019ll enjoy it. I want to rid my city of people like you and the goddamn pigeons who shit all over the place. You\u2019re of the same diseased flock, as far as I\u2019m concerned. Look out for me, license plate reads \u00a0“Go2Hell\u201d and I drive fast, faster than Batman.<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

To a store in Chinatown that is suspected of selling bootleg movies:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Mr. Chang or whatever,<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s Mayor Rob Ford and I you boss. You do laundry for me, understand? No legal-legal to sell Hollywood star movies! Very bad! I shut you down like Jackie Chan, unless you me give Big Man Me movies I want. Big Man Me like Jennifer Aniston and movie with fast car and crash, understand? Keep them coming or I on you like white on rice.<\/strong><\/p>\n

To a graffiti artist known as DMC:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Coward who hides behind the coward name DMC:<\/strong><\/p>\n

What the hell does DMC stand for?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dumb Moronic Candy-Ass?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I tell you what Rob Ford, Mayor of your fucking city, stands for, he stands for the rule of law. Got it? Just because I can’t draw I don\u2019t take out my frustrations \u00a0by vandalizing the city, that\u2019s what a coward would do. That\u2019s what you do. You\u2019re a piece of trash.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I demand that you leave my city.<\/strong><\/p>\n

NOW!!!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Go to France where they play sissy football, sissy!\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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