As many of you will have heard, I was involved in an altercation with an NHL player on Saturday night.\u00a0Don\u2019t worry I\u2019m fine. As it turns out, I\u2019m not unusually grossed-out by being spit on, and my blood coagulates very quickly.<\/p>\n

Anyhow, like every Saturday night, I was at the Quail and Firkin on Yonge Street drinking a half liter of white wine while playing my Scratch N\u2019 Win tickets. You should know that this bar is on the cusp of Rosedale, an immensely wealthy district in Toronto, and is typically filled with the hammered offspring of very rich people. Normally I\u2019m entirely ignored, but this week a massive guy who must have been about 6\u20192 240 bullied up to the bar beside me, and seeing me scratching and not winning, derisively said to his buddy, \u201c Look, Elvis Costello there is hoping to win some cash for his next drink!\u201d And then they were all \u201cBro\u201d about it, laughing and giving one another high fives, before ordering themselves and every waitress in the place, shooters.<\/p>\n

I gave them a sour look.<\/p>\n

\u201cJager Bombs, good choice,\u201d I said, \u201cthe gold flecks make it classy.\u201d<\/p>\n

The big guy fixed me a look.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou gotta problem, besides being you, I mean?\u201d There was a high-five followed by the big dude putting the littler dude in a headlock, both of them letting out a beer ad yell, and then another round of shooters.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, I\u2019m just trying to scratch n\u2019 win here, okay?\u201d but instead of looking away after I spoke, I looked right at them and held their gazes. I was almost finished my half- liter of wine. Feeling pretty confident.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you know who I am?\u201d the big guy asked.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201c Were you a contestant on the Canadian version of Survivor?\u201d<\/p>\n

The smaller but still huge guy said, \u201c He plays in the NHL, he led the league in penalty minutes in 2006-07. An Oiler. He could buy and sell you, low rent man. A chick flashed him at a game. He’s a stud.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Suddenly it all clicked into place.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen Eager?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

He tilted his head and looked at me, somehow managing to make his face look bigger. \u201cThat\u2019s right, I\u2019m not the guy you want to be messing with, understand?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were in my hockey pool last year! It was like a dead pool, only for guys we thought were in the closet!\u201d<\/p>\n

At this point NHL enforcer Ben Eager slapped me really hard across the face, knocking me to the ground. He then spit on me. It landed on the back of my head, I think. A bouncer charged over to break-up the altercation and was immediately beaten to a pulp by Eager. It was ugly and the police were called, whereupon both Eager and his brother were charged with assault.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s clear that the NHL lockout is hurting us in ways we never even imagined.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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