My Text Message Log From New Year\u2019s Eve:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

********************************************<\/p>\n

Cab driver took one look at me and said, \u201cguess you\u2019re hoping for a better year, eh?\u201d<\/p>\n

And then he said his mother had the \u201cpsychic gift\u201d and that he could \u201ctell things.\u201d<\/p>\n

Feeling a little scared and vulnerable.<\/p>\n

Hate cab driver.<\/p>\n

Think he smells like weird soup.<\/p>\n

Maybe some \u201cchunky\u201d variety.<\/p>\n

Sirloin burger, perhaps.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Taking shitty route while he tries to get me to pay for a psychic reading.<\/p>\n

Might be late for party.<\/p>\n

Have you ever heard of anything so stupid? A psychic reading by your cab driver?<\/p>\n

Feeling very happy I brought my flask out tonight.<\/p>\n

How is the party?<\/p>\n

Excellent.<\/p>\n

Please save a bottle of wine for me!<\/p>\n

Driver just said I need to live in a dry climate and should avoid olives.<\/p>\n

No, not a clue why he thinks that.<\/p>\n

Just hide the bottle in the bathtub. Put a blanket over it.<\/p>\n

Okay, I\u2019ll ask him.<\/p>\n

He says it will be five bucks.<\/p>\n

Bartering to give him lotto ticket instead.<\/p>\n

Says I have an allergic aura.<\/p>\n

Have you hid the wine?<\/p>\n

Just do it!<\/p>\n

That\u2019s one of your resolutions, right? Do things!<\/p>\n

So, just do it!<\/p>\n

Jesus wouldn\u2019t care.<\/p>\n

Not stealing, redistribution.<\/p>\n

Free market still at play, but regulated!<\/p>\n

Am now asking driver what colour allergic aura is.<\/p>\n

Says it doesn\u2019t work like that.<\/p>\n

I am drunk, yes.<\/p>\n

At the address right now.<\/p>\n

Driver just asked if I was on the pipe.<\/p>\n

Crack pipe.<\/p>\n

Because of my teeth.<\/p>\n

Fucker.<\/p>\n

Giving him expired lotto ticket for his psychic advice.<\/p>\n

Yeah!<\/p>\n

That bang you heard was me slamming the cab door!<\/p>\n

See you soon, love you!<\/p>\n

(there is a two hour time period where no text messages were sent)<\/p>\n

HAPPAAY 20312 EVERYBODY!!!!<\/p>\n

FUCK THE MAYA1!<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

HIGH HEELS VERY HARD TO DANSS IN.<\/p>\n

FUCK11!<\/p>\n

SPACE BROWNIES AWESOME<\/p>\n

WHERE R UDUDE?<\/p>\n

RACHYLLE AND I R AT PARTY<\/p>\n

COME ON!<\/p>\n

THEREES FUCING DRY ICE ANDHID 2 BOTTLES OF WINE IN OVEN!<\/p>\n

This is Rachelle.<\/p>\n

Michael is really, really drunk.<\/p>\n

Yeah, like in a bad movie.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s very sweaty and I think he\u2019s going to be sick.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re going to have to leave soon, so if you come, we\u2019ll likely be gone.<\/p>\n

DOING IT FUCKEN GAHGHNAMAHA SYTLE!!!!<\/p>\n

CANT EAT OLIVES IN NEW YEAR.<\/p>\n

BUMMER.<\/p>\n

IT SUCKS UP MY AURA OR SOMETHING.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s Rachelle again.<\/p>\n

We have to go.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s showing his scars to a couple.<\/p>\n

He just asked them if they were foreign.<\/p>\n

JUSS MET SOME CRAZY BRAZILIIAAAANIAS!<\/p>\n

ONE WAS BALCK AND THE OTHER WHITE!<\/p>\n

FREAK OUT!<\/p>\n

It\u2019s Rachelle again.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re in the cab home now.<\/p>\n

Yes, he was just sick out the window.<\/p>\n

Words can\u2019t describe.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sorry, but I don\u2019t think we\u2019ll be able to make brunch tomorrow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My Text Message Log From New Year\u2019s Eve:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":3033,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[277,1038,1034,1039,138,1046,1048,830,63,855,1045,1044,61,1041,1042,151,69,701,229,1036,1037,696,1040,55,1033,1047,1035,38,1043],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3030"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3030"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3030\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3086,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3030\/revisions\/3086"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3033"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3030"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3030"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3030"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}