In 2010, US taxpayers covered $1.3 million in living expenses– including $80,000 in phone bills– for Ex-President George W. Bush. The same hacker (Guccifer) who infiltrated Bush\u2019s email and discovered his self-portraits, has also released some of the phone messages that Bush left for people he had been trying to contact.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Uma Thurman<\/p>\n

June 2, 2010<\/p>\n

9:48 pm<\/p>\n

Uma, it\u2019s former president George W. Bush here. I hope you don\u2019t mind, but I got your number from secret service. I\u2019m very young for an ex-president and still very powerful, you know. I wanted to let you know that I\u2019ve always been a big fan of your work, ever since that film with the French title. What was it called? It starred Michelle Pfeiffer and everybody was hoping she was going to take her clothes off, but instead, you peeled off your top, and Holy Smoke! I think you acted a boner out of an entire generation! But Hell, you\u2019ve been great in every movie since, especially all those Kill Bill ones. I want you to know that even though Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour, I\u2019ve become very interested in Buddhism and was wondering if you\u2019d like to get together for a drink to discuss it sometime.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Laura Bush<\/p>\n

June 7, 2010<\/p>\n

10:48 am<\/p>\n

Laura, it\u2019s me and I\u2019m at a stupid-ass meeting in Chicago. The guy doing all the talking has a head that reminds me of a potato. I had the dream again last night.<\/p>\n

Owl Research Institute<\/p>\n

June 12, 2010<\/p>\n

2:46 pm<\/p>\n

Yeah, it\u2019s George W. Bush here and I had a few questions for you folks about owls. I thought I saw one in my backyard yesterday. Is it true that they can turn their heads around in a complete circle? Will they eat dogs? Is it bad luck to shoot one, and if so, what prayer works best to cast one off your property?<\/p>\n

Harold Atkins<\/p>\n

June 12, 2010<\/p>\n

2:52 pm<\/p>\n

Harry, yeah, it\u2019s W. Look, I wanted to discuss the possibility of making a trade in our fantasy baseball league. My pitching is fucked and I could really use a starter. I could maybe give you Cruz for Grienke. Cruz is hitting a ton, a guy with hair on his ass. He\u2019s gonna knock 50 out this year.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Dr. Jeffrey Kuhlman<\/p>\n

June 18, 2010<\/p>\n

9:17 am<\/p>\n

It\u2019s George here and I\u2019m nearly out of my stress pills. Call me.<\/p>\n

Laura Bush<\/p>\n

June 21, 2010<\/p>\n

3:48 pm<\/p>\n

It\u2019s me. Jesus, most boring meeting ever. All I could think about during the blabberfest was that guy who\u2019s obsessed with becoming a mermaid. Saw him on a talk show the other day and sweet Jesus, he just gives me the creeps.<\/p>\n

Uma Thurman<\/p>\n

June 22, 2010<\/p>\n

12:27 am<\/p>\n

Uma, thanks for making time for me earlier to chat about Buddhism. I did not know that there were Four Noble Truths. Something to chew on, that. I figure I\u2019ve been looking for The Dhamma my entire life, probably why I bombed Iraq. Would love to see you again soon. Your hair looked really pretty.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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