I attended McGill University in the late 1980s and in my last semester went on exchange to the University of London. It was here, improbably, after a lecture on Climate Change of all things, that I met Margaret Thatcher. A brief but very intense, May\/December romance blossomed between us and now that she has passed away, I would like, for the first time, to share our love letters with the world.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Michael:<\/p>\n

It was my honour to take your virginity last night. For your first time, you were certainly adequate and I commend you.<\/p>\n

Best wishes,<\/p>\n

Prime Minister Thatcher<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Margaret:<\/p>\n

Wow!<\/p>\n

Just wow!<\/p>\n

I guess I thought it was going to be softer or something, but man, it was still great and strange and gross and awesome! Just thinking about it now, I can summon your talcum powder scent and hear your hurried, instructional breathing once again.<\/p>\n

I had no idea that there were different \u201cpositions.\u201d I think I would like to try every \u201cposition\u201d with you.<\/p>\n

Love,<\/p>\n

Michael<\/p>\n

XO<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Michael:<\/p>\n

Your youthful enthusiasm and attempts at a British accent while drunk amuse me. However, I must candidly admit that I do not see a future for us, or even for you in the unforgiving economy of the real world that awaits you after university, but for now you are functional.<\/p>\n

Please call my driver (I gave you his personal number three days ago, remember?) at 10:45 tonight.<\/p>\n

Regards,<\/p>\n

Prime Minister Thatcher<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Margaret:<\/p>\n

I had never done it in a Limo before!<\/p>\n

Let me tell you, you are my Falkland Islands.<\/p>\n

You are my one, true prom.<\/p>\n

You are the Vice-Principal I always dreamed about, and I really appreciate how you\u2019re helping me with my elocution.<\/p>\n

Love,<\/p>\n

Mike<\/p>\n

xo<\/p>\n

PS: By the way, Great Britain seems like a name that holds itself in very high regard. I mean, if the USA started to call itself Awesome America, would you go to war with them?<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mr. Murray:<\/p>\n

Great Britain would defend herself in any way that she saw fit!<\/p>\n

Would you like that? Would you like if the first lady of Great Britain began to defend herself? Are you ready for that? I control the entire military and police force, you know. I have an iron fist.<\/p>\n

Directly,<\/p>\n

The Prime Minister of Great Britain<\/p>\n

PS: How does the phrase \u201csado-monetarism\u201d strike you?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Margaret:<\/p>\n

There is a karate superhero with a smoking gun of a hand called Iron Fist. Are you named after him? He is way cool, a kind of ninja who pals around with a big black guy named Power Man. They fight evil wherever they encounter it, kind of like you and apartheid.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

You\u2019re cheating on your husband, you know. How does that feel?<\/p>\n

By the way, I do not understand \u201csado-monetarism,\u201d but if it\u2019s a position with you, I am willing to try it!<\/p>\n

I want your Iron Fist, placed ever so gently, in my mouth.<\/p>\n

Love,<\/p>\n

Michael Murray<\/p>\n

Xoxxo<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I never heard from her again and it turns out I completely misunderstood what apartheid was all about.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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