As almost all of you know, I am considered something of a genius when it comes to managing my Fantasy Sports League teams. This year the catastrophic happened and my fantasy hockey team, A Fury of Pigeons, fell to second place on the last day of the NHL season. As a born winner, I have naturally filed all the appropriate grievances and cast accusations of cheating throughout the league, but I have also sent motivational letters to a select group of players on my team, hoping to encourage better performances out of them next year. It\u2019s why I am thought of as \u201cThe Premier Motivational Genius in all of the GTA.\u201d\u00a9 and Toronto Mayor Rob Ford often calls me in to speak with the high school football team he coaches.<\/p>\n

Ondrej Pavlec<\/p>\n

Goaltender, Winnipeg Jets<\/p>\n

Ondrej:<\/p>\n

Lay off the fucking booze and hookers!<\/p>\n

Or at least wait until the off-season.<\/p>\n

Christ, you couldn\u2019t stop one of those giant Earth Ball things all year, and it was clear that you played every game over-sexed and hung-over. You might be able to get away with that sort of shit in Mother Russia, but not here. Got it, Ivan?<\/p>\n

And stop hanging out with Mickey Rourke, he\u2019s a bad influence.<\/p>\n

Your owner,<\/p>\n

Michael Murray<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Adam Henrique<\/p>\n

Center, New Jersey Devils<\/p>\n

Adam:<\/p>\n

It\u2019s hard for me to imagine what a disappointment to your family you must be. You had 5 assists all season. I could get 5 assists in just one period, and I wear glasses. You\u2019re a disgrace. You don\u2019t belong on a Fantasy Team, you belong on a Nightmare Team.<\/p>\n

Your owner,<\/p>\n

Michael Murray<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Zack Kassian<\/p>\n

Right Wing, Vancouver Canucks<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Zack:<\/p>\n

You are such a douche.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ll probably whine, moaning that you\u2019re still only 22, but your built like a fucking Bigfoot and if you don\u2019t have the talent to play with real men, then you have to use your size and primitive, douche instincts to their greatest advantage! You have to intimidate and beat-up your opponents!! It\u2019s called \u201cmaking space\u201d for your teammates. Stop being such a pussy. You don\u2019t deserve the nickname \u201cThe Kassassian,\u201d you deserve the nickname \u201cThe Kack Factor.\u201d<\/p>\n

Your owner,<\/p>\n

Michael Murray<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ilya Kovalchuk<\/p>\n

Left wing, New Jersey Devils<\/p>\n

Ilya:<\/p>\n

That was the worst season of your career.<\/p>\n

Thanks a lot.<\/p>\n

I hate you.<\/p>\n

You are not welcome in the city of Toronto.<\/p>\n

Your last name sounds like the noise I make while looking at your final numbers and throwing-up.<\/p>\n

Your owner,<\/p>\n

Michael Murray<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Eric Cole<\/p>\n

Left wing, Dallas Stars<\/p>\n

Eric:<\/p>\n

Why didn\u2019t you retire?<\/p>\n

Your performance was worse than useless all season long.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re ugly and I hope your post-career car dealership goes bankrupt.<\/p>\n

Your owner,<\/p>\n

Michael Murray<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As almost all of you know, I am considered something of a genius when it comes to managing my Fantasy Sports League teams.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":3355,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[1386,1388,6,113,138,257,268,272,1385,585,1381,1383,1389,1382,1390,151,1365,278,500,1387,1384],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3354"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3354"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3354\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3414,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3354\/revisions\/3414"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3355"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3354"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3354"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3354"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}