As many of you know, embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and I were enrolled at Carleton University in Ottawa at the same time.<\/p>\n
It was here, at a pub called Roosters, where we became last-call drinking acquaintances. Ever since that time we\u2019ve maintained sporadic contact, usually in the form of late-night messaging whenever one of us is drunk and alone, but recently, as Ford\u2019s problems have escalated he\u2019s asked me to take on a more strategic role in the maintenance of his public image.<\/p>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n I just want to let everybody know that although I\u2019m not a political or even personal supporter of Rob Ford, \u00a0I do have some sympathy for him, which is why I help out. I grew up around guys like him, boys who came from wealthy families but preferred sports to school. They liked to party, mostly, and as the years advanced a kind of self-loathing typically settled in right next to their sense of entitlement. Pressured by family toward a measured, presentable career they never wanted, these men hated the pretenses and expectations of the rarified culture from which they were bred, and soon enough felt victimized and angry. As if having tumbled from their family homes up on the hill, I would see them at last-call in marginal bars, places where their peers would never dream to inhabit, places where predictably being able to pay for your own drinks was sufficient to earn you a kind of social capital. Rob Ford is one of these men. He\u2019s a guy who should have become a gym teacher, but propelled by an instinctive fury and a certainty of both his victimization and superiority, he\u2019s lurched swinging into a job for which he\u2019s completely over-matched.<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n It\u2019s the sort of thing that simply can\u2019t end well.<\/p>\n As the story of the video of Ford allegedly smoking crack cocaine was detonating the news cycle, I got this message from Ford:<\/p>\n MUR:<\/p>\n THE FUCKING SHIT IS HITTING THE FUCKING SHIT FAN!! THERE\u2019S SHIT EVERYWHERE!!! IT\u2019S SHIT STORM CENTRAL!! THE FAKE VIDEO OF ME NOT SMOKING CRACK IN LITTLE SOMALILAND WITH 5-STAR AND CHICKEN WING HAS TO BE DESTROYED. WE NEED TO BUY IT BEFORE THE SHITSTARTER ASSEHOLES DO! IT\u2019S THIRD AND LONG!! GIVE ME A PLAN, LITTLE BUDDY, YOUR BRAIN IS LIKE A RUNNING BACK!!<\/p>\n ROBBER<\/p>\n Slobber:<\/p>\n This is what we do.<\/p>\n Remember that guy who used the Internet to trade up from a paper clip to a house? Well, we do the same thing. We\u2019ll create a shell, a grassroots organization that just wants to see the people who report crimes punished rather than those who commit them. We will call it CITIZENS UNITED AGAINST BLACKMAIL, and we refer to ourselves as Cubs For(d) Justice.<\/p>\n