As many of you know, I\u2019m now on a gluten, wheat and dairy free diet. The naturopath that Rachelle and I visited suggested that I keep a journal describing my feelings regarding the \u201cnew path that you will be journeying upon.\u201d He also said I should colour-code my mood for each day, adding, \u201cEventually, you want all your days to be sky blue.\u201d<\/p>\n

Here are some excerpts from my journal:<\/p>\n

Day 4:<\/p>\n

I feel angry.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t believe that there was ever an Alpha male on this planet who stood up at a dinner party and said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but I have some dietary restrictions. Is there any wheat, dairy or gluten in any of the food you\u2019re serving? Oh, okay. No worries, I have some carrots in a baggie over here. By the way, we march on Rome at dawn!\u201d<\/p>\n

Colour: The green\/black of a tornado sky.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Day 7:<\/p>\n

Last night I had a dream that actress Jennifer Lawrence and I were living together and I barked at her for brushing her hair too loudly. I woke up angry and ashamed, feelings that have stayed with me all day.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

I learned something new today while watching the Stanley Cup finals with some buddies, and that is that beer is a gluten-saturated beverage. I hardly ever drink beer but I was completely demoralized to find out I can\u2019t drink it, or eat the fucking nachos and burgers that everybody else was devouring with ease and relish.<\/p>\n

I felt left out and got drunk on gluten-free vodka.<\/p>\n

I also got in my first fistfight since grade five.<\/p>\n

I hope it wasn\u2019t captured on video as it turns out I cannot take a good slap.<\/p>\n

Colour: Colour coding my days is stupid.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Day 9:<\/p>\n

My Instagrammed dinner:<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

I am now eating colours instead of food.<\/p>\n

Colour: Fuck you.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Day 14:<\/p>\n

Fuck Montreal.<\/p>\n

Fuck Montreal in the ear hole.<\/p>\n

I just cancelled the trip we were planning on taking there for Rachelle\u2019s birthday. I don\u2019t want to go on a trip that\u2019s defined by all the perfectly crafted, delicious foods I\u2019m not allowed to eat. If I can\u2019t have a croissant or smoked meat sandwich, then Rachelle doesn\u2019t need a birthday. I have put my foot down.<\/p>\n

Colour: A confident, furious black<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Day 16:<\/p>\n

It\u2019s nice being back in Montreal and it was both thoughtless and selfish of me to try to cancel our trip because of my dietary restrictions. Just because I can\u2019t have a smoked meat sandwich doesn\u2019t mean that Rachelle shouldn\u2019t enjoy one in front of me! And hey, she should go right ahead and flirt with that beautiful man in that saucy hat! <\/a>He\u2019s leaning against an awfully nice looking car! I bet it\u2019s worth more than a house! Happy birthday, Rachelle, don\u2019t mind me, I\u2019ll just sit here in my gluten-free corner!<\/p>\n

Colour: I am interested in trying crack cocaine.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As many of you know, I\u2019m now on a gluten, wheat and dairy free diet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":3495,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3],"tags":[113,138,1048,1517,830,63,213,186,1519,36,1515,415,649,1520,122,1521,1518,46,1522,1516],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3491"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3491"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3491\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3569,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3491\/revisions\/3569"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3495"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3491"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3491"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3491"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}