Dear\u00a0Bitter\u00a0Writer:<\/p>\n

I have a pet peeve to air out. I’m always irked when people complain about something not being “proper English.” I maintain that there’s really no such thing; that English is only ever “proper” in a particular context, be it formal, academic, conversational, etc. What’s your proper take?<\/p>\n

Tony Martins<\/p>\n

Dear Mr. Martins:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m glad that you asked this particular question. The absolute worst thing that anybody could ever do to their life is get a master\u2019s degree in English literature. (King Joffrey from \u201cGame of Thrones\u201d has a master\u2019s in literature.)<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

This flimsy credential will give the holder an inappropriate amount of external confidence and entitlement but actually fill them with a crippling sense of insufficiency and self-loathing because they failed to advance any further in the world of academia. These \u201cmasters\u201d think they\u2019re better and more gifted than their less-certified peers but will have realized, deep, deep down in the burning pit of their anger hole that in failing to summit Mt. PhD they\u2019re really not exceptional, just pitifully bound to the notion of external validation. Inevitably, they will take refuge in small, cruel pedantry, rattling on about things like \u201cproper English\u201d in the midst of the most benign, innocuous social encounters. They\u2019re all a bunch of fuckers. There\u2019s no such thing as proper English. We practically communicate through hieroglyphs now, okay? Get over it, fuckers. Whenever somebody says that you\u2019re not using \u201cproper English,\u201d what that person is actually telling you is \u201cI hate my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Please send all letters for Bitter Writer to mm@michaelmurray.ca<\/a> or post in the comments section of this page.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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