Late on Friday afternoon I stopped in at the patio of One Restaurant, an expensive, beautiful-people kind of place in the Yorkville district of Toronto.<\/p>\n

These are the text messages I sent to my wife Rachelle:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Me: Just stopped in at One for a drink, should be home by 6.<\/p>\n

Me: Yes.<\/p>\n

Me: I do think we\u2019re made of money.<\/p>\n

Me: Look, my fantasy sports teams have been doing very well the last couple of years.<\/p>\n

Me: And I won a Deal Or No Deal scratch n\u2019 win ticket the other day.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: I\u2019m fucking rolling in cash.<\/p>\n

Me: Paying off the car doesn\u2019t make you a saint, you know.<\/p>\n

Me: Right. Just the person who does all the heavy financial lifting.<\/p>\n

Me: The hostess sat me very far away from the site lines.<\/p>\n

Me: You\u2019d need a shovel to find me.<\/p>\n

Me: Yes.<\/p>\n

Me: I am wearing my bike helmet.<\/p>\n

Me: I don\u2019t know if she thinks I\u2019m an elderly bike courier.<\/p>\n

Me: She probably just thinks I prefer solitude.<\/p>\n

Me: I look pretty intellectual.<\/p>\n

Me: Thoughtful, soulful.<\/p>\n

Me: A man who looks like Roger Sterling just refused to sit in my section.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cNo, no, no, honey, no way I\u2019m sitting there,\u201d he said to the hostess.<\/p>\n

Me: His hand around her waist.<\/p>\n

Me: He\u2019s now sitting in the rich men with big cigars section.<\/p>\n

Me: Yes, I guess it\u2019s like I\u2019m sitting in the scratch n\u2019 win section.<\/p>\n

Me: It\u2019s like instead of arriving via a fuck-me-I\u2019m-rich car, I showed up on a mobility scooter.<\/p>\n

Me: One with a little dog in the basket and a Hamilton Tiger Cats flag at the back.<\/p>\n

Me: The waitress serving me is kind of chunky, too.<\/p>\n

Me: Probably why she’s working this section.<\/p>\n

Me: I bet she got the job because she sleeps with the mayor or something.<\/p>\n

Me: Look, I have too had a job.<\/p>\n

Me: Well, things are tough in the media right now, you know that.<\/p>\n

Me: I guess I could be something other than a writer.<\/p>\n

Me: No.<\/p>\n

Me: No.<\/p>\n

Me: I don\u2019t want to work in the box factory that Allan manages.<\/p>\n

Me: Because.<\/p>\n

Me: I have lots of potential.<\/p>\n

Me: You can still have potential in your 40s.<\/p>\n

Me: Oh, I\u2019m sorry, I just got distracted by a woman with long, superstar hair.<\/p>\n

Me: It was like a flash of light when she tossed it and everything smelled like the beach!<\/p>\n

Me: She looks a bit like Jennifer Lawrence.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: By the way, what shampoo do you use?<\/p>\n

Me: Oh.<\/p>\n

Me: Shopper\u2019s, eh?<\/p>\n

Me: Yeah, it\u2019s good to get the Optimum points, I guess.<\/p>\n

Me: If you don\u2019t care what your hair looks like.<\/p>\n

Me: Wow!<\/p>\n

Me: Group of men who look like pro athletes and their supermodel girlfriends just asked me if I\u2019d like to have a drink with them!<\/p>\n

Me: People really are just drawn to me.<\/p>\n

Me: Love you, probably be back late! xo<\/p>\n

Me: Don’t forget to take the dog for a walk!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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