Scottish born Andy Murray, who just won the men\u2019s tournament at Wimbledon, is a distant relative of mine. I\u2019ve only met him once, and that was about twenty years ago when he was only six, but I always felt like I made a pretty big impression on him. As such, I\u2019ve tried to stay in contact with him over the years, hoping to provide the leadership, guidance and \u201ccool\u201d that a young, ambitious and talented member of my family might need.<\/p>\n

These are some of the emails of encouragement that I sent–via his 2^{nd<\/sup> cousin– to Andy over the years:<\/p>\n}

Andy:<\/p>\n

Hey, superstar! It\u2019s your cool cousin Michael Murray, here! Remember me? We met about 20 years ago and I took you on your first Crop Circle hunt.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

It was pretty awesome. We got kind of lost, though, and your father had to come and get us in his jeep. Boy, he really has the Murray temper, eh? Anyway, it was too bad about your parents splitting up when you were at such a vulnerable age, but I have to say, we all saw it coming.<\/p>\n

By the way, I\u2019m really good at tennis, too. It must run in the family! LOL!! \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

Michael Murray<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andy:<\/p>\n

I really think that if you want to get better at tennis you\u2019re going to have to improve your first serve percentage.<\/p>\n

Michael Murray<\/p>\n

PS: I am sure you are very busy so I understand why you haven\u2019t responded. I just want you to know that I\u2019m not at all mad. I don\u2019t have the Murray temper.<\/p>\n

PPS: I can think of at least six tennis players who are better than you. You look like a gangly, diminished version of Colin Firth, so you\u2019d really better up your game.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andy:<\/p>\n

Jesus!<\/p>\n

I just saw a picture of your girlfriend and I have to say, she is crazy hot! You are really punching above your weight! I mean, shit!<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

By the way, you should write back. You\u2019re not the king of the world, nor are you better than me just because you\u2019re really rich, good at tennis (try playing me in Scrabble) and have a hot girlfriend.<\/p>\n

Michael Murray<\/p>\n

PS: I beat Friends star Matthew Perry in tennis. Have you?<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Andy:<\/p>\n

Wow.<\/p>\n

Just wow.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t believe you won Wimbledon. I guess Djokovic was really tired after his semi-final match, because normally he\u2019d beat you pretty easily. \u00a0By the way, when you \u201climped\u201d into the crowd after you didn\u2019t lose the championship and started hugging all of your handlers and yes-men, I noticed you avoided your mother. (She really does look like an aging Glenn Close) Was that intentional? Are you still stinging from the divorce?<\/p>\n

Remember, it was me who told you that you needed to increase your first serve percentage. Don\u2019t forget that. Don\u2019t forget whose shoulders you\u2019re sitting on as you receive all your glory.<\/p>\n

Michael Murray<\/p>\n

PS: I always return correspondence, especially if received from my family. We, the Murray’s, are very disappointed in you.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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