A friend of ours owed us a small amount of money and dropped it off in our mailbox with a little thank-you note he\u2019d sealed in an envelope yesterday. (The money was for a toaster) On the back of the piece of paper he\u2019d written on were a series of interview questions. These are the questions and the answers that he, presumably, had written in:<\/p>\n

Q. What is your biggest weakness?<\/p>\n

A. I\u2019m quite handsome and clever and sometimes people, particularly those less handsome and clever than me, find it intimidating.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

In my past job at the box factory, they talked behind my back and said things that were, at the time, entirely untrue about my sex life and the way I treated animals. Well, I showed them, I tell you. Anyway, there will always be people like this, people who have drunk deeply of the Hatorade and are out to get you, and so you just have to take care of it, you know?<\/p>\n

Q. What irritates you about co-workers?<\/p>\n

A. Usually, and I know that this sounds petty, but it\u2019s the way that they dress. It\u2019s always so predictable and lumpy, their outfits typically accented with some sad detail of their life like Cheesie dust or cat hairs. It just depresses me, and then I get mad at them for depressing me. It can be a toxic cycle.<\/p>\n

Q. How do you handle stress and pressure?<\/p>\n

A. I\u2019m glad you asked this question because it\u2019s really quite a complex issue. Often, I simply take time off work. This helps, but it doesn\u2019t really solve the problem, and so after trying meditation and finding it useless, I\u2019ve discovered that I need to create a cocktail of prescription medications to help calm the \u201cBLACK TORNADO ZONE\u201d I typically spin into. Also, I find that regular target practice at my gun club near Brampton is incredibly therapeutic.<\/p>\n

Q. What will you do if you don\u2019t get this job?<\/p>\n

A. I will go and see Iron Man 3 again. I always get inspiration from the Iron Man. He\u2019s made of iron, you know? Nothing gets him down. And then, after a good, inspirational cry, I will just try and take what I\u2019ve learned from this experience and apply it to the future, hopeful that I may yet get a job at your shitty company when the next opportunity arises.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

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