Many of you probably don\u2019t know that I recently signed-up to take a course in the practice of Mindful Meditation. I\u2019ve had a number of health issues over the course of my life, and I suppose it\u2019s fair to say that I\u2019m often gripped by anxiety about it. You know, I\u2019m overly attentive to the normal fluctuations of one\u2019s body, and if I get a pain in my side I\u2019m far more likely to assume the worst and speed recklessly into a future of worst-case scenarios than most.<\/p>\n

In talking to a doctor about this, it was suggested that I try Mindful Meditation as a way to help ground this impulse, the idea being that I\u2019d learn to live more attentively in the moment and bring some stillness to my life. I should state that that I am the opposite of a Mindful person, by which I mean I barely exist in the moment, possessing an analytic mind that almost exclusively inhabits the future or past, and that slowing down and not thinking\u2014just \u201cbeing\u201d–is virtually impossible for me.<\/p>\n

Before the classes began, I had an orientation session. The waiting room had rugs on the wall, constantly flowing water, plants and little statues of Buddha all over the place, emitting an aggressively, \u201cmindfully\u201d organic ambience. The woman who walked out her office to greet me had a creepy tranquility beaming from her eyes and looked at me with unnerving sincerity. She spoke in an even, robotic voice that never varied. It was creepy, like Nurse Ratched, and it made me nervous, and the more she talked in this manner, the more anxious, almost angry, I felt myself becoming.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Her: What are you doing?<\/p>\n

Me: (Hastily putting away my iPhone.) Not being Mindful?<\/p>\n

Her: What would a Mindful person be doing?<\/p>\n

Me: Experiencing the fabric of the chair I\u2019m sitting on?<\/p>\n

Her: That\u2019s good Michael, now follow me.<\/p>\n

Me: You know, the music in the waiting room surprises me.<\/p>\n

Her: That\u2019s interesting, Michael. What is it about the music that causes you such anxiety?<\/p>\n

Me: Well, it doesn\u2019t make me anxious, it was just something I noticed.<\/p>\n

Her: (Silently staring back at me, waiting for elaboration.)<\/p>\n

Me: With the whole Buddhist thing going on here, all the fountains and enforced serenity, I did not expect AM radio to be playing.<\/p>\n

Her: I see. What did you expect?<\/p>\n

Me: Maybe Brian Eno, some gentle, distant gongs, perhaps, but certainly not somebody excitedly trying to sell me cars, you know?<\/p>\n

Her: Have you started your Happiness Jar?<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: No, I forgot. I\u2019ve been really busy.<\/p>\n

Her: You haven\u2019t been Mindful.<\/p>\n

Me: No.<\/p>\n

Her; I want you to think of something you\u2019re happy for, write it down on a piece of paper and put it in your Happiness Jar when you get home, okay? Michael, tell me, what are you happy for?<\/p>\n

Me: My iPhone.<\/p>\n

Her: How about this blue, shining day, this day that just is, are you happy for that?<\/p>\n

Me: (An angry sigh, and words now tense) Yes. I am happy for this blue, shining day, dammit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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