These are a collection of found restaurant reviews I’ve stumbled across online:\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Ponderosa<\/p>\n

By Dan<\/p>\n

Fucking A.<\/p>\n

The Ponderosa delivers like a goddamn steak mailman.<\/p>\n

Unlimited chocolate milk? Unlimited awesome.<\/p>\n

Love the swinging doors and bacon bits, and almost everybody working there was wearing a hairnet, so you know that they\u2019re serious about their crap. I\u2019d definitely go back. Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker!<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Pink Dragon<\/p>\n

By Keo<\/p>\n

The food is very good here but I swear to God the place is haunted! I went down to the basement to use the bathroom and while I was washing my hands I saw a pale Asian man standing behind me in the mirror, but when I turned around there was nobody there. I didn\u2019t think much of it at the time, but later I was told that the Pink Dragon was built on an old Chinese morgue and was known to be haunted. Apparently a dishwasher stabbed a cook to death there too, and after that they erected those lion-dog sculptures out front to ward off evil spirits. If you take a close look, you’ll notice that there’s no #9 on the menu, and this is because the cook was murdered on the 9th day of September, the 9th month of the year.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Der Speisewagon<\/p>\n

By Anthony<\/p>\n

Lauren and I used to go to Der Speisewagon together. It was kind of our place. Felt weird, sad-weird to be there alone. When Lauren and I were together German food seemed kind of fun, like a campy polka, but now it just seems blunt and obnoxious. I don\u2019t really remember what I had, some sort of sausage and a shit ton of beer, I think, so you know, just not very memorable. Lauren, she\u2019s memorable. She was my schnitzel.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chuck E. Cheese\u2019s<\/p>\n

By Susan<\/p>\n

Look, I know that this is a place for kids, but Jesus Fucking Christ! The food was awful, like garbage they dug out of a hole. Not even a drunk person could eat it. I ordered the \u201cchicken sandwich,\u201d and I am damn sure positive that what they served was not chicken. Maybe goat. Or squirrel. God knows. The staff was lobotomized and dirty, and the kids unsupervised savages. I saw one 6-year-old girl with hot, greasy cheese strands in her hair and two pepperoni slices covering her eyes. The plus side is that they sell beer. I had four. And then, drunk, I drove my son home, swearing to never, ever set foot in that accursed place again. The horror, the horror.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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