Last week my wife Rachelle had a minor surgical procedure that required she be sedated. However, this was done in such a manner that although she wasn’t rendered unconscious, she wouldn’t remember anything from the experience. This made her curious as hell, wondering what sort of things she might be saying as she was in this transitional ether. \u00a0As such, she asked me to document her twilight state as she returned to consciousness, and so I prepared a series of questions which I asked her as she was coming to and these are the results:<\/p>\n

Me: Rachelle! Rachelle! Are you there?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: ( Moves hand as if swatting fly)<\/p>\n

Me: What is your favourite crop?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Crop?<\/p>\n

Me: Yes, like corn, wheat, tobacco or peanuts.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Mmmm. Peanut butter cups.<\/p>\n

Me: Okay, next question. Who is the sluttiest person that you know?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Slutty sluts. They’re all sluts. You know that.<\/p>\n

Me: Good answer.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Thirsty.<\/p>\n

Me: I will ask the nurse if you can have an ice cube. What is your favourite natural disaster?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Twister. So. Very. Windy. Hide in the basement when the twister comes! Very serious. Lives ruined.<\/p>\n

Me: And crops, twisters ruin crops too.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Twisters are ruiners.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/\n\nMe: How are you feeling?\n\nRachelle: I feel okay.\n\nMe: Have you ever killed a monkey?\n\nRachelle: What?! Why would I do that?! I'm not a monkey killer! They're cute and fast and they have faces like tiny people. Wouldn't kill a monkey. You couldn't pay me to kill a moth. Love the way they fly.\n\nMe: Do you mean monkey?\n\nRachelle: Hate spiders. Don't bring any spiders in here!\n\nMe: If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?\n\nRachelle: Submarine pilot.\n\nMe: Not hockey player?\n\nRachelle: No.( shakes head vigorously)\n\nMe: Michael Fassbender called to wish you well and say that he was happy you came through the procedure with such ease and strength. He was wondering if, when you were feeling stronger, you might cut his hair. He said it's getting really shaggy and unmanageable.\n\n<\/a><\/\n\nRachelle: I will cut his hair. Yes. Yes. Get him to call me. Or email. I want to cut his hair.Yes.\n\nMe: If you had to kill a monkey, how would you kill it?\n\nRachelle: Maybe with an arrow?\n\nMe: Who is your sluttiest friend?\n\nRachelle: Cynthia. She's the hand-job queen.\n\nMe: No kidding, eh? Alright, I'm going to get you an ice cube or two now. You're doing great!\n\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last week my wife Rachelle had a minor surgical procedure that required she be sedated.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":3951,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3],"tags":[416,2017,159,2020,138,98,36,2019,399,415,332,489,169,547,77,1172,1235,50,1030,2018,592],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3948"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3948"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3948\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3961,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3948\/revisions\/3961"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3951"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3948"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3948"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3948"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}