On Boxing Day Rachelle and I drove from our broken, powerless apartment in Toronto to visit my family in Ottawa. Actually, Rachelle did all of the driving while I sat in the passenger seat making observations. A trip that normally would take four hours, took eight. These are the Tweets I sent out on our journey:<\/p>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: We\u2019re finally leaving the cold, dark ice cave of Toronto!<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: First, passing through the Rosedale Valley of Death. The forest is looming bent and horrible over road, like tree in Poltergeist.<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: Oh. All of Toronto also fleeing apocalypse city.<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: Avoid highway unless you find tranquility in stillness. Move through car wash at much greater velocity.<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: Red tail lights in front of us stretching from here to Mordor. # LikeDeathLava<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: Time of winter day when everything is the same colour– even salt-wretched cars in traffic jam.<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: Now moving like pre-twilight wolves through landscape! Oh. Never mind. Traffic jam again. #BoxingDayBestDayOfYear<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: Empty, Dark Onroutes, like post-apocalyptic tumble weeds, litter the side of highway like reminder of life we once knew.<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: Very hungry. #Hangry<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: Port Hope Pizza Pizza is a crime scene. 40 customers, 1 employee. #ThereWillBeBlood<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: Now full of McDonald Happy Meal. You know how I feel.<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: Now trapped in an actual parking lot. Feel like punching things.<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: Now moving as fast as flying dolphins! Our lives redeemed!<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: Flying dolphins tricked into traffic jam cove! Hate tricks!<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: 3 hours 46 minutes to not yet Belleville.<\/p>\n michaelmurrayca: My wife doesn’t so much like me playing Nick Cave in a traffic crisis.# BadTasteWife!<\/p>\n