I recently got an opportunity to work as a creative consultant with a fragrance manufacturing company. The idea was that we were to work together to come up with some new perfumes or colognes that were already associated with a pre-existing brand, like a celebrity or a movement. These are some of the ideas that I came up with and were unfortunately rejected:<\/p>\n

Third and Long:<\/p>\n

This body spray and cologne would be attached to dynamic Toronto politician Rob Ford. The body spray would be dispensed through a Rob Ford bobble-head and the more expensive cologne would be sold in a bottle shaped like a football. The TV ad campaign would feature a variety of improvised, black and white spots of Rob Ford free-associating, set against a stark, simple background.<\/p>\n

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Third and Long: It\u2019s all gravy when you\u2019re a man.<\/p>\n

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Penance:<\/p>\n

Endorsed by actor Sean Penn, this cologne would be propelled by an ad campaign featuring the Academy Award winner posing shirtless. Also, I think he should have a small moustache. Penn would be holding some rosary beads draped over his back while casting a look of complex defiance at the camera.<\/p>\n

Penance: When an apology isn\u2019t going to happen.<\/p>\n

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Blog:<\/p>\n

This is a scent that will be targeting conspiracy theorists. The ad campaign will be bombastic and concussive, pummeling the audience with image after image of conspiracy tropes—JFK getting shot in the head, the Twin Towers coming down, the Knights Templar\u2014and then dissolve into a moderately attractive young man typing away at his computer. He\u2019s purposeful, confident. When he finishes what he\u2019s writing a knock comes at the door, he sprays some Blog on his pulse points and then exits through his window and down his fire escape.*1<\/p>\n

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Blog: Can you afford not to?<\/p>\n

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Pioneer:<\/p>\n

This unisex fragrance will be tailored to appeal to the hipster demographic. All ingredients in it should sound completely organic and ethically sourced, and ideally it would smell kind of like a combination of kimchi and hay. The ad campaign will feature various hipsters– men in beards and overalls, women wearing sweaters with owls on them\u2014posing happily with their cool looking bikes while cool sounding music plays.<\/p>\n

Pioneer: Be the first to smell like the past.<\/p>\n

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La Beouf:<\/p>\n

Actor Shia LeBeouf will be the spokesperson for this scent and it will have a meaty aroma.<\/p>\n

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La Beouf: When you\u2019re not afraid to be wrong.<\/p>\n

*1 Later we will roll out a body spray and soap-on-a-rope for men called Occupy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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