My third-to-last personal trainer was a young man named Ronan Coltan. When he first showed up at my door I saw a small, posturing muscle ball in a tank top and sweatpants. He smelled of cigarettes and beer, looked like an angry child, had a thick, Irish accent and several suspicious looking tattoos.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

I think we only worked-out together three or four times, and in that time I discovered that Ronan was literally just off the boat from a small Irish town, lived in a rooming house where he refused to share the refrigerator with the rest of the men who lived there, and finally was making ends meet by working as a stripper in the Gay Village.<\/p>\n

At any rate, when I signed-up with Ronan I got a deal if I paid for 8 sessions up front, but due to some embarrassing reason, I only had 4 before we parted ways. That was about two year ago, and just recently I decided that I needed a personal trainer again to help get me in shape, and realizing I had a few sessions already paid for with Ronan, decided to give him a call.<\/p>\n

Me: Is this Ronan?<\/p>\n

Ronan: Who be asking?<\/p>\n

Me: It\u2019s me, Michael Murray, remember? You used to train me on Queen Street!<\/p>\n

Ronan: No, I don\u2019t remember you.<\/p>\n

Me: I wore glasses, only have one lung and lived in a creepy apartment.<\/p>\n

Ronan: (inaudible yelling in the background, thought I might have heard the word bumbaclot.)<\/p>\n

Me: Ronan?<\/p>\n

Ronan: Are you the guy who couldn\u2019t lift any weights, but only the bar that was supposed to hold the weights, so you just did curls with that?<\/p>\n

Me: Yes! That\u2019s me!!<\/p>\n

Ronan: Yeah, I remember you. That was a creepy apartment, man! Cobwebs and taxidermy everywhere, Mother of Mary it used to give me the shivers.<\/p>\n

Me: Yeah, well great! We\u2019ve moved, you know, and now live in nice place with windows and stuff. You\u2019d like it! Anyway, the reason I\u2019m calling is that I need to get back in shape and when I was working with you I think I paid for 8 sessions in advance, but only actually took 4, and I was wondering if we might work-out some arrangement where you could start training me again and I could get credit for those four sessions?<\/p>\n

Ronan: That can\u2019t be done.<\/p>\n

Me: Why?<\/p>\n

Ronan: You already paid for those sessions.<\/p>\n

Me: But that\u2019s my point.<\/p>\n

Ronan: They were only good for a year.<\/p>\n

Me: That\u2019s not true. We never said that.<\/p>\n

Ronan: It was implied in our agreement.<\/p>\n

Me: So was my fitness. You failed me Ronan.<\/p>\n

Ronan: You failed yourself, mate.<\/p>\n

Me: You always smelled of Chunky Beef Soup.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Ronan: Your teeth disgusted me.<\/p>\n

Me: I know you\u2019re here illegally, mate.<\/p>\n

Ronan: You don\u2019t know shit, ya jammy rag.<\/p>\n

And then he hung up on me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My third-to-last personal trainer was a young man named Ronan Coltan.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4184,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3],"tags":[2254,2248,830,186,794,2253,399,1883,2252,2251,2255,2250,2249,469,2247,580,283,38,561],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4181"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4181"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4181\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4185,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4181\/revisions\/4185"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4184"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4181"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4181"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4181"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}