I\u2019m a talented gambler. In some circles I am know as Euchre Daddy and in others, the Skeleton. I grew up in Ottawa and thus have an extensive background in sports played on bleak, frozen landscapes and a savvy political acumen that grants me the knowledge of how to leverage misfortune for personal gain. In terms of gambling cycles, there\u2019s no question that the Winter Olympics is really my time to shine, and now that it\u2019s over, I am going to share with you some of the wagers I made with Goran, my bookie:<\/p>\n
1. Chances that an American athlete would break down a door in the Olympic Village 7-1.<\/p>\n
I considered this bet to be easy money. We all know that athletes are competitive, and none more so than entitled, overfunded American ones who really like to get their party on. Combining this personality type with the decrepit state of Russian infrastructure and the rage associated with steroids and steroid-masking technologies, it was almost a guarantee that a door would be smashed in. I bet $700 on this, and when Johnny Quinn, an American bobsledder and ex NFL player, broke naked through his poorly functioning bathroom door in the athlete\u2019s village, I was a winner.<\/p>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n Result= +$4900<\/p>\n 2. Who would win the gold medal at men\u2019s skeleton in Sochi?<\/p>\n I was on the Lisgar Collegiate Institute boys\u2019 skeleton team in high school, and I can tell you participation in that sport is an insane death wish\u2014you fly face-first down an ice cliff on a bladed Krazy Karpet using your toes to steer. <\/a>(It should go without saying that high school was a VERY difficult time for me, a time made even more painful by the ceaseless bombardment of snowballs I endured whenever I took sliding to the track.) Gambling on this sport is like playing the lottery, as none of the martyr\/athletes really has any influence on the outcome. That being said, it would have been wise to pick a Russian, as it\u2019s common for officials to heat the track to make it slow and sluggish after the Russians have competed. However, the odds on handsome Spaniard Amber Mirambell (300-1!!) proved too enticing and I bet $500 on him for gold.<\/p>\n Result= – $500<\/p>\n 3. Over\/under for deaths in short-track speed skating (including relay): 7<\/p>\n I felt very compromised betting on this as I abhor the idea of rooting for anybody\u2019s misfortune, but it seems clear that there would be way more than seven deaths in this sport. Honestly, I think there could be seven deaths in just one race. It\u2019s Roller Derby with knives, practically a Slasher film. I bet $1300 on the over.<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Result= – $1300<\/p>\n 4. Olympic Sex Tape<\/p>\n