People have been trying to get me more involved in politics for an awfully long time.<\/p>\n

Obviously, I\u2019d make a great leader. I have the physical charisma our culture demands of its politicians, have an agile, encyclopedic brain, speak 6 languages and have a PHD in people. However, since I sincerely believe that fame is a curse, I refuse to put my wife and dog through the constant, ceaseless scrutiny that my taking office would entail, so I say, once again, I will not be running for Mayor of Toronto.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

This does not mean that I am abdicating my civic duty to the great, multicultural, world-class city of Toronto. I have just signed on (salary and benefits part of a non-disclosure agreement) to be a part of the Duck For Mayor (@duckformayor on Twitter) team working to elect a duck for mayor of Toronto. My duties will be vast, but one of the first things I will be doing is forming a coherent platform that serves all Torontonians, something that I will be unveiling through a series of Tweets on Twitter.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

@duckformayor: The carnage in Chinatown must be stopped!<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

@duckformayor: When I am mayor of Toronto, I will raze Chinatown!<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Both of them!<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Duck for Mayor will be a just Mayor, but a vengeful one!<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Tough on crime!<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Not afraid to walk the walk.<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Duck for Mayor supports the brave police officers of the Greater Toronto Area!<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Unlike some candidates, Duck for Mayor has never been convicted of drunk driving! #RobFordHas<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Plan to restructure transits includes, canals, canals, canals!<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Subways already flooding, why not leave them that way?<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: HUGE taxpayer savings in foregoing repair costs!<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Also, tourists will love gondola rides through Toronto\u2019s famous underground canals!<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Come on, Toronto, think big, vote Duck!<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Rumours of my affair with Margaret Atwood have been greatly exaggerated. #TorontoStarIsTrash<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Classy lady, though, don\u2019t have a bad word to say about her.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Did some great camping together back in the day.<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Canals, canals, canals!<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Anybody else missing GOT as much as I am? #OnlyWithdrawlThisDuckKnows<\/p>\n

@duckformayor: Death to Chinatown!!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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