On Thursday a friend very generously provided me with an opportunity to meet the Prince of Denmark. I was entirely keen to do this, very much hoping I would make an excellent impression and that the Prince and I would become good friends, the sort of friends who frequently went to big parties in Europe together. However, I slept in and missed my chance, thus bringing shame and dishonour onto my house and character. This is the letter of apology that I wrote to Frederik, Crown Prince of Denmark:<\/p>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n Your Highness:<\/p>\n You ever have one of those days?<\/p>\n I was very nervous about meeting you, because I\u2019ve never met anybody who was a direct descendent of God. That must be so cool. I come from a long line of sheep thieves who have always fled debt, not Gods.\u00a0At any rate, I really wanted you (A GOD!!!) to like me, and in spite of taking an Ativan and drinking two glasses of wine before going to bed, I had trouble sleeping. When this happens I often listen to a calming CD of rainstorms, <\/a><\/p>\n which is what I did, and to make a long story short I ended up sleeping through my alarm and missing my opportunity to meet you.\u00a0I had my blue suit laid-out on my bed and everything.<\/p>\n I had studied you in a completely non-invasive and totally not creepy way, and was going to make some pretty dazzling conversation, I think. I honestly do believe that we would have become best friends, likely participating in the same fantasy sport\u2019s pools, attending Illuminati meetings together, texting one another about Game of Thrones and partying on boats with supermodels.<\/p>\n