Failed Toronto mayoral candidate and part-time label maker Doug Ford has entered the application process to replace disgraced Jian Ghomeshi as host of Q, the popular national arts magazine show on CBC radio 1.<\/p>\n

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Ford has submitted an audition tape with a number of sample interviews he\u2019s conducted, and this is a small selection:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Doug Ford interviews Deepak Chopra (Indian-American author, public-speaker, businessman and physician)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Doug Ford: So, what do you like better being a doctor or being a businessman?<\/p>\n

Deepak Chopra: Well, we are more than just the labels that society puts on us. Yes, it is true that I am a businessman and doctor, but I, like all human spirits, am many things, and everything that I do nourishes my soul equally.<\/p>\n

Doug Ford: I\u2019m a very successful businessman. We make labels. We’re called Deco Labels. Three different locations, two in the GTA and one in Chicago. Deepak, let me ask you, you ever been to Chicago?<\/p>\n

Deepak Chopra: I have been many times and will be there next week to promote my new book, Why is God Laughing: The path to joy and optimism.<\/p>\n

Doug Ford: That\u2019s great. You should take in a Blackhawk\u2019s game and go to Michael Jordan\u2019s steak house. Jesus, those are some good goddamn steaks. \u00a0Do you eat steak in India? I mean, you folks worship cows, you\u2019d think you\u2019d know and appreciate how delicious steak is. By the way, I\u2019ve always admired the Indian people, you guys are great, very colourful and polite.<\/p>\n

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Doug Ford interviews Suzanne Somers (comedienne, actress and businessperson)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Doug Ford: Let me tell you, thirty years ago you were just about the hottest thing I ever saw. Chrissy Snow. Jesus Christ. Hot. And let me tell you, Three\u2019s Company, that was a real comedy. Classy.<\/p>\n

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Suzanne Somers: Thank you.<\/p>\n

Doug Ford: So, you write poetry in your spare time?<\/p>\n

Suzanne Somers: I\u2019ve always felt the need to express myself creatively.<\/p>\n

Doug Ford: I like to box. Sometimes shot put. Okay, my producer wants me to read one of your poems. It\u2019s from a collection called Touch Me: The poems of Suzanne Somers. I bet you have a lot of takers when people hear you say, \u201ctouch me,\u201d eh? Right for the boobs.<\/p>\n

Suzanne Somers: I mean it spiritually, not physically.<\/p>\n

Doug Ford: Yeah, whatever. So it\u2019s called \u201cOrganic Girl,\u201d and it goes like this:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Organic girl dropped by last night<\/p>\n

For nothing in particular<\/p>\n

Except to tell me again how beautiful and serene she feels<\/p>\n

On uncooked vegetables and wheat germ fortified by bean sprouts<\/p>\n

Mixed with yeast and egg whites on really big days<\/p>\n

She not only meditates regularly, but looks at me like I should<\/p>\n

And lectures me about meat and ice cream<\/p>\n

And other aggressive foods I shouldn\u2019t eat.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Nice. Okay, I got a two-parter for you.\u00a0So, what\u2019s the theme of this poem and you ever have any work done? You still look pretty good.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Doug Ford interviews Tanya Tagaq (award winning throat singer)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Doug Ford: Sorry, I had a real hard time there with your last name. If you\u2019re in show business you might want to change it so that it\u2019s easier to say and remember. Just smart business.<\/p>\n

Tanya Tagaq: I like my name as it is, thank you.<\/p>\n

Doug Ford: (Stares at her, a burning silence for 20 seconds.) Are you saying you don\u2019t care about business?<\/p>\n

Tanya Tagaq: No, I\u2019m saying I care about my name.<\/p>\n

Doug Ford: You\u2019re First Nations, right? Am I right? Yeah, look, don\u2019t you think if maybe you guys were better at business you wouldn\u2019t have signed all those treaties where you gave up prime real estate for bracelets and you wouldn\u2019t always be asking tax payers for hand-outs? So maybe business is important, okay? You get it? (Aggressively bangs question cues cards on table) Alright, so what the hell is throat singing anyway?<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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