These are the text messages that I sent to my wife Rachelle from the Dark Horse caf\u00e9 on Queen East the other day:<\/p>\n

Me: Feeling good today, very confident!<\/p>\n

Me: You\u2019re right, my Mindful Meditation session did go really well!<\/p>\n

Me: Meditated the shit out of it! I was fucking Deerpark Chopra!<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: No, I think it is Deerpark.<\/p>\n

Me: Really?<\/p>\n

Me: Deepak? That doesn\u2019t sound like a name at all, more like a company that makes boxes or something.<\/p>\n

Me: I don\u2019t believe you.<\/p>\n

Me: I\u2019m going to look it up.<\/p>\n

Me: Okay.<\/p>\n

Me: Yes.<\/p>\n

Me: I guess it is kind of amusing that I could get the last name right but still butcher the first name in such a \u201cchild-like\u201d and \u201c challenged\u201d way.<\/p>\n

Me: I\u2019m still going to call him Deerpark though.<\/p>\n

Me: No, not stubborn, whimsical and playful. Like an otter.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: I also went to my first lymphatic massage session!<\/p>\n

Me: Well, they tap your face.<\/p>\n

Me: And yeah, that drains your lymph glands. Yes, by tapping.<\/p>\n

Me: $200<\/p>\n

Me: No, they didn\u2019t wear diamond-encrusted gloves while doing the tapping.<\/p>\n

Me: No, it wasn\u2019t a topless lymphatic massage, either.<\/p>\n

Me: Well, the happy ending is that my lymph glands are draining!<\/p>\n

Me: I thought your insurance covered it!<\/p>\n

Me: Fuck.<\/p>\n

Me: Well, there are only 7 more sessions.<\/p>\n

Me: Look, having drained lymph glands is important.<\/p>\n

Me: At least as important as your \u201cPower Skating\u201d classes with Pierre. I mean, 3 times a week??<\/p>\n

Me: I don’t trust Pierre, don’t believe he played in the NHL.<\/p>\n

Me: Also don’t like the way you laugh around him.<\/p>\n

Me: No, of course I trust you, my love.<\/p>\n

Me: I\u2019m at the Dark Horse Caf\u00e9 now.<\/p>\n

Me: Decaffeinated green tea, gangster style.<\/p>\n

Me: Nowhere to sit in here.<\/p>\n

Me: Woman says she\u2019s holding last chair for a friend.<\/p>\n

Me: Says she will be there in 5 minutes.<\/p>\n

Me: Dazzling smile. Entirely distracting. Have forgotten why I was talking to her.<\/p>\n

Me: I wish she did lymphatic massage.<\/p>\n

Me: I\u2019ll send you a picture.<\/p>\n

Me: Really? Creepy and inappropriate?<\/p>\n

Me: \u00a0On every level? Really?<\/p>\n

Me: You\u2019re really weird, you know that?<\/p>\n

Me: Okay, 12 minutes have passed now and her friend still hasn\u2019t shown up. I\u2019m going to say something.<\/p>\n

Me: I wonder if she\u2019s a model?<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: Okay, it\u2019s been over 20 minutes! I\u2019m going to give her a piece of my mind!<\/p>\n

Me: Her beauty doesn’t entitle her to anything!<\/p>\n

Me: You\u2019re right, she is exactly like that Leprechaun guy on the TTC!!<\/p>\n

Me: Only radiant and if the Leprechaun were made out of sunlight.<\/p>\n

Me: Like Pierre, you said he’s made of light, and what did you say, “thigh muscles,” didn’t you?<\/p>\n

Me: I WILL SAY SOMETHING!<\/p>\n

Me: I AM NOT A SLAVE TO BEAUTY!<\/p>\n

Me: (Except yours, my love)<\/p>\n

Me: Ok, here I go.<\/p>\n

Me: Losing my resolve. Think it\u2019s melting. Standing with tea is fine.<\/p>\n

Me: Hemingway wrote standing up.<\/p>\n

Me: Her laptop bag deserves seat in crowded coffee shop.<\/p>\n

Me: Laptop bag like a holy relic.<\/p>\n

Me: Friend just floated in like a beautiful perfume.<\/p>\n

Me: Think Pierre emerging from a spray of ice chips.<\/p>\n

Me: Such beauty, should be a cover charge here.<\/p>\n

Me: They are now talking together, as angels do.<\/p>\n

Me: All is sunlight.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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