Leonardo DiCaprio will be attending the Iceland Writer\u2019s Retreat this year in April. This is the letter that he personally wrote requesting admission to the event:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Iceland:<\/p>\n

You know who I am.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

I am Leonardo DiCaprio.<\/p>\n

My resume speaks for itself. I am arguably the greatest actor of my generation (sorry Christian Bale), wealthier and more powerful than many small nations and have a Klout score of 88.2. I can make it rain.<\/p>\n

You should know that I am a HUGE fan of your work as a weird island nation and am really impressed with your buzz. You\u2019re punching above your weight, little guy, and you\u2019ve got some great PR people in your corner!<\/p>\n

I think that the two of us could do some great work together and with that in mind I\u2019d like to attend the Iceland Writer\u2019s Retreat this year in order to research a role for a film I hope to shoot in Iceland in 2016.<\/p>\n

What is Leo DiCaprio\u2019s project you ask?<\/p>\n

It is to be the blockbuster of 2017. It\u2019s to be called Written in the Ice, and I will star as an ex-CIA operative who has made a break from the dark world of Black-Ops he mastered in his past. Having been given a new identity, Leonhard J\u00f3nsson, now a fisherman and aspiring writer, is living a humble village life in Iceland.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

He is crazy talented and charismatic, but he\u2019s suffering a form of PTSD and has writer\u2019s block. However, this lifts when he attends the Iceland Writer\u2019s Conference and meets a quirky, hipster Icelandic woman (hotter and younger than Bjork, but suggesting Bjork) who believes she communicates with elves. They have sex.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Through one of her nocturnal communications with the elves, (she falls into an automatic writing trance but must be naked for it to work) she is given a secret for renewable energy that will save the world from global warming, but before Leonhard and her can get the secret out and save the world, evil government forces and big oil seek to kill them and destroy the information.<\/p>\n

It will be the best movie ever, sweep all the awards and be a “Titanic” success for the Iceland tourism, but for me to properly play all the dimensions of Leonhard J\u00f3nsson, I will have to attend the Iceland Writer\u2019s Conference, free of all expenses for myself and my staff of 28.<\/p>\n

A few other requests:<\/p>\n

For the process to properly work, I need to be in the presence of lots of beauty. Please ensure that the class is populated with beautiful women. I cannot stress the importance of this enough.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

I will require a beach, and if it is off-season, then I will require that it is artificially heated so it simulates the tropics.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

I will need a helicopter and a yacht.<\/p>\n

I will only attend 45 minutes of the conference each day and will not be required to \u201cturn in\u201d any work for grading.<\/p>\n

Legal immunity from the laws that govern Iceland will also be required.<\/p>\n

Nobody is permitted to look directly at my man bun.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Looking forward to working with you, and my lawyers will be in touch shortly!<\/p>\n

Regards,<\/p>\n

Leo<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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