As many of you know, I\u2019ve been looking for a job.<\/p>\n

It hasn\u2019t been going particularly well, as I\u2019m not really qualified for much, but recently I came upon a truly interesting and exciting possibility. A new company called Cudlers is opening up in Toronto, and they offer\u2014for a price of $80 an hour\u2014a platonic snuggling service for its clients, and are currently looking for a diverse array of Cuddlers to make house calls throughout the Greater Toronto Area.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

I think I could do this.<\/p>\n

I wrote the agency expressing my interest and they requested that I send them a photograph of myself, including my age and height, and a short essay on why I\u2019d like to be a Cuddler.<\/p>\n

This is what I sent:<\/p>\n

Marcus Agincourt<\/p>\n

Age: Younger than Tom Cruise<\/p>\n

Height: Taller than Tom Cruise<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

I have been told that I have an extremely warm and reassuring manner. In fact, during group, I was once told, \u201cMarcus, holding you is like stepping inside of a calming, Brian Eno composition.\u201d I have participated in extensive Hug Therapy (HT) for my PTSD over the years, and the result of this training is that I am a very, very empathetic, sensitive and patient person.<\/p>\n

You should know that I am an excellent listener and a natural conversationalist whom people feel very comfortable confiding in. I am, as they say, an old soul, and even if I have a slightly jittery manner and often knock things over, such as drinks, ashtrays and lamps, I\u2019ve been told that I really know how to put people at ease. (I am a Pisces, and although many of this star sign are drinkers, I swore off the hard stuff years ago and now restrict myself to just wine in the evening.)<\/p>\n

I dress well, in soft and reliable fabrics, and as I have very little muscle tone, my build, although slim, is very soft to the touch. I am proud to say that I have been compared favourably to Wagyu beef. Also, I do not sweat, so I emit no body odour whatsoever, and out of respect for others, have always kept my nails trim.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

The truth is that I just want to help. I understand that in this modern world it\u2019s sometimes easy to feel isolated and disconnected, and that people yearn for some simple, platonic human contact. It may sound corny, but I just want to help people heal, and if I can do that by wrapping myself around them in a non-sexual way for an hour, then I would consider it a privilege to do so.<\/p>\n

Hugs,<\/p>\n

Marcus Agincourt<\/p>\n

PS: I prefer to cuddle to the music of Blondie but would defer to the wishes of the client.<\/p>\n

PPS: A short list of dream clients:<\/p>\n

Vintage Raquel Welch<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

An Asian<\/p>\n

Jennifer Love Hewitt<\/p>\n

Salma Hayek<\/p>\n

Tom Hardy<\/p>\n

Madonna (I would snuggle the mean right out of her)<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Natalie Portman<\/p>\n

Janet Gretzky<\/p>\n

Paulina Gretzky (I would like to cuddle the three Gretzky’s all at once)<\/p>\n

Wayne Gretzky<\/p>\n

Stephen Hawking (I think it would be interesting and a possible learning experience, understanding that the cuddler will learn as much from the cuddlee, as the other way around!)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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