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{"id":5278,"date":"2015-03-30T17:03:23","date_gmt":"2015-03-30T17:03:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/?p=5278"},"modified":"2015-06-24T05:14:26","modified_gmt":"2015-06-24T05:14:26","slug":"texts-from-dinner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/texts-from-dinner","title":{"rendered":"Texts From Dinner"},"content":{"rendered":"

On Friday night, I had dinner with a friend and her two teenaged daughters. <\/p>\n

\"hunting<\/a><\/p>\n

Rachelle, my wife, had to work and was unable to make it. These are the text messages that she sent me over the course of the evening:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*************************************<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Pickle, tell me, how\u2019s dinner going?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Really? You\u2019re giving it a C minus, maybe a D?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: That\u2019s strange.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Really? You’ve lost a lot of respect for the family?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Did they call you out for bringing half a bottle of wine again?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: You have to stop doing that. It\u2019s embarrassing!<\/p>\n

Rachelle: It is.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: No, I\u2019m not embarrassing, you\u2019re embarrassing.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Oh, I think I know what happened.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: What did you wear out?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: You wore your black turtleneck and that jacket, didn\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: I know you think it makes you look like Carl Sagan.<\/p>\n

\"sagan<\/a><\/p>\n

Rachelle: I know.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: But I still don\u2019t understand why you think that\u2019s a good thing.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Look, I don\u2019t hate the cosmos.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Or space exploration.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Just bad clothes.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Now come on, just tell me what happened.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Oh, sweet Jesus that\u2019s hilarious!!<\/p>\n

Rachelle: So, just before everybody was about to start dinner, Marston said, \u201cEdgy Pastor, would you please lead us in grace?\u201d<\/p>\n

\"edgy<\/a><\/p>\n

Rachelle: I love that girl.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: No, she\u2019s not full of herself.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: She\u2019s so clever, and she\u2019s right, when you wear that outfit you do look like an edgy Pastor.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes, you do.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes, like some white dad who\u2019s going to rap Genesis or something.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Oh honey, I would never get in the way of your relationship with God!!<\/p>\n

\"god_cut\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Rachelle: There\u2019s more?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Hannah said, \u201cIt looks like a jacket you mother might have bought you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rachelle: It\u2019s like that girl is my daughter.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: And then she added, \u201cAt a store called For Your Son.”<\/p>\n

Rachelle: “For Your Adult Son.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Oh Lord!!! Tears are streaming out of my eyes I am laughing so hard!<\/p>\n

Rachelle: And then Marston said, \u201cAnd she paid for it with a coupon she clipped from a newspaper?\u201d<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Oh Pickle, you really are defenceless in the face of those girls!<\/p>\n

Rachelle: So what did you do?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Oh.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Do you think that was a good idea?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Well, it\u2019s just if you\u2019re always pretending to have an asthma attack, people might not be very responsive when you actually do, that\u2019s all.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: See? I told you!<\/p>\n

Rachelle: That is just too funny, I love that they all held hands and prayed for the edgy Pastor during your fake asthma attack!<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Did you end up saying grace?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Well, I think you should have embraced the persona and rapped it!<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes, your life is nothing but a series of missed opportunities.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Oh, I\u2019ve got to go, work calls!<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Well, my edgy, little Pastor, I\u2019ll see you in two hours, may you walk with the Lord!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

On Friday night, I had dinner with a friend and her two teenaged daughters.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":5282,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[277,2803,3540,3407,606,3409,3404,2282,118,1973,213,36,476,3212,332,258,3410,1807,1842,55,438,3406,699,3408,3405,537,3246,3411,1043],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5278"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5278"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5278\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5286,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5278\/revisions\/5286"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5282"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5278"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5278"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5278"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}