These are the text messages that I received from my wife Rachelle,\u00a0while she went out shopping and I stayed home looking after Jones, our six-month old baby.<\/p>\n
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Rachelle: Is everything okay?<\/p>\n
Rachelle: Oh.<\/p>\n
Rachelle: Well, I don’t know why Netflix would be down.<\/p>\n
Rachelle: But you’ve already seen Making a Murderer three times.<\/p>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n Rachelle: Yes, your thirst for justice is unusually obsessive.<\/p>\n Rachelle: No, strong. I wrote strong.<\/p>\n Rachelle: Must have been autocorrect.<\/p>\n Rachelle: Well, you’ll just have to be be brave, my love, I’m sure Netflix will be up and running soon and you can return to your Making a Murderer studies.<\/p>\n Rachelle: But tell me, how is Jones doing?!<\/p>\n Rachelle: Oh, he’s such a strong, little boy!<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Rachelle: Well, you can’t take your eyes off him, you really can’t.<\/p>\n Rachelle: You should always be looking for his left.<\/p>\n Rachelle: Look, he always hits you with his left first. It’s his plan.<\/p>\n Rachelle: It’s not a dirty plan. He’s just a sweet, playful little boy!<\/p>\n Rachelle: So, just so you remember: The left comes first. And then when you’re dazed and trying to put your glasses back on, he will hit you with the right and then start kicking. Both feet. Every time, Pickle. You have to prepare for it.<\/p>\n Rachelle: I know he thinks it’s funny.<\/p>\n Rachelle: Well, I disagree, sometimes a bleeding nose can be very funny.<\/p>\n Rachelle: I know you get nose bleeds from the blood-thinning medication you’re on.<\/p>\n Rachelle: Sure. It’s not because Jones is stronger than you.<\/p>\n Rachelle: Yes, it is entirely possible you could still take Jones in a fight, but I wouldn’t bet on it.<\/p>\n Rachelle: He has muscle definition in his back. Do you?<\/p>\n Rachelle: So, he’s sleeping now then?<\/p>\n Rachelle: And you fed and changed him?<\/p>\n Rachelle: What does he look like sleeping? Does he look like an angel?<\/p>\n Rachelle: I don’t believe you’re in his room.<\/p>\n Rachelle: I think you just made that up.<\/p>\n Rachelle: He’s not talking in his sleep.<\/p>\n Rachelle: Send me a photograph of him sleeping.<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Rachelle: Oh, you’re very clever.<\/p>\n Rachelle: I know you got over 130 on an online IQ test.<\/p>\n Rachelle: Pickle, you tell people you meet at parties that. You tell everybody that.<\/p>\n Rachelle: Yes, you are a genius, yet you still can’t drive or hold down a job. It’s fascinating, that.<\/p>\n Rachelle: Yes, the wildly misunderstood genius community is subject to a lot of bullying.<\/p>\n Rachelle: You’d think all those geniuses would be able to band together and cast a spell, but I guess I just don’t understand how genius works.<\/p>\n Rachelle: What?<\/p>\n Rachelle: Jesus.<\/p>\n Rachelle: Look, there is no way that Jones’ Exersaucer is haunted.<\/p>\n