These are the text messages that I received from my wife Rachelle about our 8 month-old son Jones the other day while I was waiting to see the doctor:<\/p>\n

******************************<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Pickle, I’m afraid we’re going to have to make some sacrifices in order to afford some help looking after Jones.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Well, I’ll be going back to work in the fall, and unless you think you can look after Jones on your own, we’re going to need somebody to help.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: No.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: No, I’m positive.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: I can’t take Jones in to work with me.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: For a million fucking reasons, okay?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Look, I’ve crunched some numbers and you’re going to have to get rid of your subscription to the Baseball Channel<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

and stop ordering lunch from Uber Eats each day.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Sigh.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: I am not \u201cbusting your balls.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes, you probably will starve.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: It will be tragic, especially after all you’ve gone through, but at least there will be Jones to carry on.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: I’ll make sure he knows of his father’s sacrifice, how you stopped watching baseball 8 hours a day and eating restaurant lunches so that you could afford to pay somebody else to look after him.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Look, I’m not harsh, just a truth teller. You knew that when you married me.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: I don’t understand.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: What’s a \u201cside hustle?\u201d<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Oh, so it’s like a job, but it’s usually illegal, and you only do it when you want?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Why yes, that does sound like a perfect solution to our problems! What will your side hustle be?<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Ikea Furniture Builder???<\/p>\n

Rachelle: So, you would go to homes and personally assemble their furniture??<\/p>\n

Rachelle: That is my favourite thing ever.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes, it’s even better than naming a ship Boaty McBoat Face.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: So, just curious, how would you get to these homes?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Uber, of course.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Imagine, if you had a driver’s license you could actually be an Uber driver!<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes, if you passed the security screening.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: I know you have a \u201cpast,\u201d ran with a tough crowd in junior high. It’s that edge I love, Pickle.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: But let’s get back to your side hustle. Once you get to your \u201cclient,\u201d how would you assemble the furniture?<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes, I’m sure you would figure it out. Lots of evidence to support that.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: You have a very good mind for all things mechanical.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: You did a beautiful job on the crib, for instance.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes, it was as much a sculpture as anything else. As you say, Living Art.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: But look, you could just get a job, a job could be your \u201cside-hustle.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rachelle: You could work in a food court or maybe a discount shoe store.<\/p>\n

Rachelle: The Bulk Barn, maybe? You might get a deal on nuts, that would be a bonus!<\/p>\n

Rachelle: I don’t think Blockbuster exists anymore, dear.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Rachelle: I know those were good times for you at \u201cThe Block.\u201d
\nRachelle: Everybody came for the Pickle Picks, I know. You were practically a star!<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes my love, times have changed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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