Because of the controversy over Melania Trump’s last speech, and the accusations that she plagiarized from one of \u00a0Michelle Obama’s speeches, I have been hired on by the Trump team to serve as Melania’s speechwriter. This is my first one, in which the accusations cast at her are directly confronted:<\/p>\n
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Hello America!!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n I am Melania, the luckiest woman in the world, and I am so happy to be here before you!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Why, you might ask, am I the luckiest woman in the world?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Is it because I am beautiful?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Is it because of my gorgeous dress and luxurious jewelry?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Is it because I am like champagne? <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Is it because I am so very rich and famous I never have to wait in line?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Is it because I speak five languages?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Is it because I am white?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n (Wait for enthusiastic screaming to subside)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n NO!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n It is because I am married to the greatest man in the entire world, Donald Trump. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Donald is the perfect husband. He has bought me so many wonderful things! He is so smart and such a great negotiator, and he loves America so much! He wants America to be the best, like him. He wants America to be #1 again!<\/p>\n (Wait for applause)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Thank you for your applause, you are such a classy audience, so very classy!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n (Wait for applause)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Some people, some very bad people, say that I copied my last speech from a black woman. This is monkeyshines! I would never do such a thing. I am innocent and I will sue!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n (Wait for cheering and celebratory gunshots to cease)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Thank you America, thank you! <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Donald Trump, the next President of the United States and author of the hit bestseller The Art of the Deal, is not just my husband, but also my lover. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Yes, and let me tell you, he is as good at making love as he is at making deals! <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n (Crowd goes wild)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n My lover is also tough on terror!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n He will not tolerate it!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n He will fire it like a bad apprentice!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n With Donald you will always feel secure because you know that if any terrorists, or some loser country, were to try any monkeyshines, he would destroy them. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n (Pretend to be a sexy cowboy\/stripper shooting a gun)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n He would. It would be no joke. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n (Wag finger)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Let me ask you beautiful Americans, who does Hillary Clinton reminds you of?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Ha, yes, she does remind me very much of an old Jew! <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Who else does she remind you of?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Yes, a lesbian for sure! She has no fashion sense, no class. She dresses like a box.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n