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Valentine’s Day Press Briefing by White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer:<\/span><\/p>\n ************************<\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Mr. Spicer: Good afternoon, everybody. Thanks for coming. <\/span><\/p>\n As some of the assembled press here might already know, but probably don’t, on account of being spineless merchants of ignorance and lies, is that today is Valentine’s Day. <\/span><\/p>\n Named after St. Valentine. <\/span><\/p>\n A Christian. <\/span><\/p>\n A Christian who was killed by Muslims. <\/span><\/p>\n I want those words to sit there for a moment and sink in.<\/span><\/p>\n No! No questions yet! We’re going to have a little time-out here and think about Muslims killing an an innocent Christian. A super Christian. The Tom Brady of Christians . That’s right, that’s how goddamn good Saint Valentine was, he was like Tom Brady.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n And the Muslims killed him.<\/span><\/p>\n Do you know how he was killed?<\/span><\/p>\n Anyone?<\/span><\/p>\n No? Not one of you geniuses in the press corps has any idea? No, I didn’t think so.<\/span><\/p>\n Torture.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n He was tortured to death.<\/span><\/p>\n Okay, moving on, I’d like to wish my lovely wife Rebecca a Happy Valentine’s Day– baby, you’re the light of my life! They say behind every great man is a great woman, and they’re right, they’re right, Rebecca.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n However, the story dominating the news cycle today is the handshake between President Donald Trump and Prime Minister Jerry Trudeau of Canada. <\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Jerry Trudeau, as you could all see– it was plain as day– has smaller hands than President Trump. Much smaller. It was funny how small they were. The President firmly guided the direction, intensity and length of the handshake. He was in full control at all times. Additionally, Ivanka, a world-class beauty, is much more attractive than Sonja, the Prime Minister’s wife. Is she older than him? We will look into that, but I believe that Sonja is older than Trudeau. Sorry? What did you say, Kellyanne? I can’t hear you above the howling from the media cages! Okay, okay, got it. Sonja is 7 years older than the Prime Minister and has had work done. How much work we are not yet sure. <\/span><\/p>\n President Trump, as you all know, can get any woman on the planet, and certainly would never have to stoop to marrying a woman older than him. <\/span><\/p>\n