As most of you will recall, I went to high school with Matthew Perry.<\/p>\n
If you don’t know who he is, he was one of the stars of the hit 90’s sitcom Friends.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Don’t be impressed by that. There were too many \u201cstars\u201d to count on that stupid show. Even a monkey was a star on that show. A monkey. Not Curious George. Not the Ikea Monkey. Just a regular, annoying monkey, so Matthew’s \u201cstar status\u201d is really no big deal at all. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Just like in high school.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Matthew may have had famous parents and a cheap California tan, but I was the real star at Lisgar Collegiate Institute in Ottawa. Not only was I president of the UFO club, but I was also a great athlete, and I used to crush Perry mercilessly at tennis. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n All.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Day.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Long.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n It used to infuriate him! He would throw his expensive tennis racquets all over the place, complain that I was \u201cfoot faulting\u201d or not wearing proper whites. Bullshit stuff like that. Anyway, the bottom line is that I destroyed him and made the tennis team while he did not. This final humiliation seemed to break Matthew, and after that he was my subordinate, little yes-man.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Matthew has been pretty unemployable since Friends, and thirsty for a little bit of publicity, he recently went on Jimmy Kimmel and announced that he and another kid, \u201cChris Murray,\u201d once beat up Canadian Prime Minister and sex symbol Justin Trudeau back in school.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n