As many of you know, Canadian literary legend Margaret Atwood and I have been having a feud ever since I interviewed her for a magazine about fantasy baseball. Recently, my mother got involved, writing Atwood to apologize on behalf of the Murray family for my deplorable behaviour– and then several weeks later, writing her again, only this time to complain about her rudeness in not responding promptly and thanking her for the hand sanitizer she had sent along with the apology.<\/p>\n
Well, the other day my mother actually received this letter from Margaret Atwood:<\/p>\n
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December, 6th, 2017<\/p>\n
b\u00e4rb\/<\/em><\/p>\n noun<\/p>\n noun: barb; plural noun: barbs<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 2. a cluster of spikes on barbed wire.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 3. a deliberately hurtful remark.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Dear Barb:<\/p>\n Please forgive me for being so informal as to use your first name. I can see that you’re not just appropriately (refer to above prolegomenon) named, but that the Murray line carries very excitable genes, and I certainly don’t want to offend you or any of the other members in your easily inflamed tribe.<\/p>\n Let me first thank you for your apology concerning the alarming behaviour of your 50-something son, and the thoughtful inclusion of hand sanitizer with your letter. You are right, hand sanitizer does make for a nice, affordable stocking stuffer. Thank Heavens for Shoppers Optimum points, eh, Barb?<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n It’s interesting to note that the word \u201cbarb\u201d is derived from Latin and Old French words for \u201cbeard.\u201d The patriarchy has a deep reach, Mrs. Murray, a very deep reach. For instance, I wonder why your fully grown, almost elderly son, does not feel the need to apologize for himself to a respected woman he’s been publicly berating? Why would his mother have to do it?<\/p>\n Could it be that Michael, an archetypically mediocre white man,<\/p>\n\n
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