These are the text messages I received from my wife Rachelle the other day:<\/p>\n

***************************************************<\/p>\n

Rachelle: Are you still on for the Textile Museum at 2:00?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Tetanus?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: No<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: No, I am certain there’s no such thing as a \u201cTetanus Museum.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Well, I’m sorry you misunderstood.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: But we have passes for the Textile Museum and we agreed to meet there in 30 minutes.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: But you were so keen on seeing the Kimono of Itchiku Kobuta! You said that’s what you were going to name your Fantasy baseball team! What happened?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Really, Pickle? <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: You think it’s cultural appropriation? <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: And you don’t want to exercise your white privilege by exploiting something that was not created for the white, male gaze?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: And in order to achieve that goal you’ve gone to The Keg Mansion, the place where everything is specially made for you, is that right?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes, yes, I know you have a gift card.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: And yes, I know The Keg is your safe space.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: You’ve said it many times. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Will you do me a favour? Just have a look around.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Do you see a bunch of men who more or less look like you, all eating steak and drinking wine?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes, or drinking Caesars.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Rachelle: And are they all being served by hot, young women laughing at all the jokes they’re being told through gritted, shoot-me-now teeth?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: In the exploitation Olympics, I think that beats going to a fabric museum, don’t you?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Look, do you even know what false equivalency means?.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: I thought not.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Oh, I see.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: I was all wrong about Madison the server.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Rachelle: She’s different, is she?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Well maybe when she said that she didn’t mean funny ha-ha?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Okay, let’s just never mind. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Are you going to meet me or not?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Oh, your wedge salad just arrived! <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Well obviously your hands are tied.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: That was sarcasm.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Because you’re being a jerk.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Sweet Jesus.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: In no way am I discriminating against you for eating meat. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: I’m a Social Justice Warrior? I’m not even sure I know what one is.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: You’re drunk.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: You Keg-Sized your Caesar, didn’t you?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes, I am psychic.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: I can also detect something slurry and aggressive in all your texts.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: It’s like you’re campaigning for something.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Shouting from the podium!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Throwing emoticons everywhere!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Like angry confetti. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Whatever.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Just remember that the doctor said you could only have one drink a day, okay?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: No, don’t worry about it. It’s fine.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: I’m going to go to the museum then have a power skating session with Pierre.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: No, he wasn’t deported.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: He was in Costa Rica on a spiritual retreat.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Very tan. And he shaved off his moustache.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: I know it’s a dream of yours to one day grow a full beard like Pierre does so effortlessly, but it’s just not your path, Pickle. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: Yes, yours is the path of low testosterone and patchy facial hair.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rachelle: We all have our crosses to bear, dear.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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