As many of you know, Canadian literary legend Margaret Atwood and I have been having a feud ever since I interviewed her for a website about fantasy baseball a few years ago.\u00a0Well, as fate would have it, a mutual friend has actually brought me into the same fantasy baseball league that Margaret Atwood participates in. This is the chat transcript of some recent trade talks between myself and Atwood:<\/p>\n
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Atwood: You must know how much it pains me to do this, but after the most recent injuries to both Elvis Andrus AND Corey Seager ( si non fortuna velim fortuna omnino! ) I have found that my team, The Bad Feminists, is in need of some help at shortstop. Thusly compromised, I have no alternative but to attempt to discuss the possibility of a trade with you.<\/p>\n
Me: You know, I really don’t have a clue how much it pains you to open a chat window with me. Please describe.<\/p>\n
Atwood: It feels as if am a lone tree burning on the desert.<\/p>\n
Me: A really ancient, worn out and desiccated tree? One that’s been completely abandoned by all the other trees that used to respect her but now subtweet her because they think her work is over-rated and old fashioned? A tree that just decided to go ahead and set herself on fire because let’s be honest, nobody was even going to notice?<\/p>\n
Atwood: No, not that tree.<\/p>\n
Me: Sounds like that tree.<\/p>\n
Atwood: Your ability to evaluate the world around you is very poor. It’s why your team always finishes at the bottom of the league and you’re in a constant, emasculating state of rebuilding. It’s your cycle of pointlessness, part of what feeds your rage.<\/p>\n
Me: I can’t remember– maybe because you look so much alike– but was it you who won the Nobel prize for literature or that singer Bob Dylan?<\/p>\n
<\/a>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n He might have come along after your time, so here’s a little video of him to ensure you have a clear, very clear picture, of the great literary talent who bested you for the Nobel:<\/p>\n https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=cJymBJ_5iUg<\/a><\/p>\n Atwood: I am interested in acquiring New York Mets infielder Asdrubel Cabrera from you, and as you obviously have no chance of winning this year, I’ll give you a couple of promising, young players who you can use next year in exchange for him.<\/p>\n