I am an excellent father and husband.<\/p>\n
A true family leader.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n As such, I often find it necessary to call family meetings so that my wife Rachelle, and our nearly three year-old son, Jones, can discuss important issues as they arise. These are the minutes from a recent meeting:<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n *************************************************************************<\/p>\n Michael: Okay, Meeting #36 is now in order. On Friday we’ve been invited to Claire’s for dinner. However, it’s not a simple matter. There are options, so please listen carefully. We can go in the afternoon, with Jones, and have a swim then an early dinner, getting back in time for Jones’ bedtime, or we can go over later, without Jones, and have an adult meal. Concerns? Preferences? Please speak freely, this is a safe space.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Rachelle: Do you know where the corkscrew is?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Michael: Since when did we start buying wine that needed a corkscrew? <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Jones: I WANT TO WATCH THE SCARY SKULLS!!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Michael: Jones, we are having a family meeting right now. You can watch a video later.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Jones: NO!!!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Rachelle: Found it! It was in your desk drawer. Amidst several corks. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Michael: Well, that’s odd.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Rachelle: Not if you’re a secret drinker, it’s not.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Michael: That’s a pretty big glass you’re pouring yourself.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Jones: SCARY SKULLS!! SCARY SKULLS! SCARY SKULLS!!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Michael: No Jones! We’re having a meeting here, and there will be no videos until we’ve come to a decision about dinner on Friday! Also, you get stigmata from watching too many videos. It’s very bad for your eyes, and you want to be able to see everything, just like the Falcon that soars in the sky above, right? <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Jones: WANT TO SEE SCARY SKULLS!!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Michael: Sweet Jesus child, okay, okay, okay.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Rachelle: The optometrist said that by feeding him an excessive diet of videos in order to avoid responsible parenting and gain his approval you were putting him at risk for astigmatism, not stigmata. Stigmata is the spontaneous manifestation of marks on the body that correspond to Jesus’ crucifixion wounds, <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n