<\/p>\n

These are the text messages I sent my wife Rachelle on Monday:<\/p>\n

*******************************<\/p>\n

Me: Yep.<\/p>\n

Me: Dropped Jones off at daycare and am now at the polling station getting ready to cast my vote for mayor!<\/p>\n

Me: No.<\/p>\n

Me: Mayor McCheese is not on the ballot.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: It is a shame. Not only is he VERY experienced, but he’s also delicious.<\/p>\n

Me: I agree, we do underestimate taste when it comes to appraising our candidates.<\/p>\n

Me: I think Doug Ford would have been a buttery mayor, like wagyu beef.<\/p>\n

Me: John Tory? The current mayor? Beef jerky.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: He looks creepy. Desiccated and plastic, like if you bred a dry roasted peanut with a Ken doll. Looks like somebody from Blue Rodeo who suddenly got really, really old!<\/p>\n

Me: No.<\/p>\n

Me: No, that’s not a \u201cdig\u201d at Jim Cuddy.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: All I’m saying is that his opponent, Jennifer Keesmaat, has aged pretty well.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: What?<\/p>\n

Me: Look, all I mean is that she looks as good now as she did 15 years ago. Let’s smash the patriarchy and vote for her!!<\/p>\n

Me: Oh.<\/p>\n

Me: Well, when you put it like that I guess it does sound a bit like I’m going to smash the patriarchy by voting for a woman I think has aged well.<\/p>\n

Me: And you think that’s wrong?<\/p>\n

Me: Okay.<\/p>\n

Me: Well, in my defence I knew JK back in the day.<\/p>\n

Me: Didn’t I tell you?<\/p>\n

Me: But look, I also like her transit plan. Very smart. And let me assure you, she’s more than just another pretty face! You should vote for The Keezer!<\/p>\n

Me: A nickname I had for her.<\/p>\n

Me: Oh, that was so long ago.<\/p>\n

Me: Lava Life, I think.<\/p>\n

Me: We only went out on one date.<\/p>\n

Me: Went to Maine for a long weekend.<\/p>\n

Me: Yeah, I guess it was a three day date.<\/p>\n

Me: What did we do?<\/p>\n

Me: Well, she’s a HUGE Stephen King fan so we went on a tour of his house in Bangor.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Otherwise, we just drank some wine, walked the beaches, talked policy. Stuff like that.<\/p>\n

Me: Hunh!<\/p>\n

Me: Hadn’t thought about that, but yeah, Stephen King’s house is my screen saver.<\/p>\n

Me: Look, I hadn’t even met you yet!<\/p>\n

Me: Rest assured, if you were running for mayor I would vote for you!<\/p>\n

Me: You would organize the hell out of this city!<\/p>\n

Me: You really would.<\/p>\n

Me: And I LOVE the idea of making Toronto a Sanctuary City for all the lost animals of the world.<\/p>\n

Me: You would be a way better mayor than JK.<\/p>\n

Me: I would be a Russian bot for you.<\/p>\n

Me: I would lie to congress for you.<\/p>\n

Me: You wouldn’t believe how many laws I would break for you political ambition!!<\/p>\n

Me: People would be screaming at me every\u00a0 goddamn time I tried to eat out. You can bet your bottom dollar on that.<\/p>\n

Me: It’s true. You are the fire with which I burn. You have all of me, my love, you always have and always will.<\/p>\n

Me: Yes.<\/p>\n

Me: Absolutely. You have my word.<\/p>\n

Me: I will change my screen saver.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  These are the text messages I sent my wife Rachelle on Monday:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":7215,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":true,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[159,4711,85,2817,1409,4713,4708,3585,36,4715,2896,233,4707,2838,4682,4710,69,45,4494,4391,4709,333,4022,278,4714,4712,77,699,2040,2664,291],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7211"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7211"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7211\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7217,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7211\/revisions\/7217"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7215"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7211"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7211"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7211"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}