<\/p>\n

The other day while perusing the products of an online weed dispensary, a chat box opened and a support agent asked me if I needed any help. This is our conversation:<\/p>\n

****************************************<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Stacey: Hey there, if you have any questions regarding our products please let me know!<\/p>\n

Me: I’m interested in knowing how you folks come up with the names for all the different strains. I always thought I’d be really, really good at that. Is there any chance I might be able to apply for such a position within your organization?<\/p>\n

Stacey: The growers name the strains, so I’m afraid we’re not accepting any applications for that position.<\/p>\n

Me: Nuts.<\/p>\n

Stacey: Sorry.<\/p>\n

Me: I had some really good ones.<\/p>\n

Stacey: I bet you did.<\/p>\n

Me: You know it! Listen to these… Mystic Space Owl! Howling Cheesie Attack! Electric Light Orchestra!<\/p>\n

Stacey: Those are pretty good, but I’m pretty sure the last one is the name of a band from the 70’s.<\/p>\n

Me: Really? That doesn’t sound right.<\/p>\n

Stacey: Google it.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: Sweet Jesus, you’re right! They must have been an amazing band, look at that hair! And the satin, too! Just stunning. I would give it all up if I could look like that. I really would.<\/p>\n

Stacey: And speaking as a person who’s spending time chatting on a weed web site in the middle of the afternoon about job opportunities, what would giving it all up mean to you?<\/p>\n

Me: I’m not sure. But it wouldn’t be weed. I would not give up the weed.<\/p>\n

Stacey: We’re happy to hear that.<\/p>\n

Me: I have a cat.<\/p>\n

Stacey: Just one?<\/p>\n

Me: Yes, his name is Admiral.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Stacey: Is that your duvet?<\/p>\n

Me: No, it’s my mother’s.<\/p>\n

Stacey: I see. Well, Admiral looks very cute.<\/p>\n

Me: He’s a great cat, but make no mistake, I would give him up him for the ability to look like I was in ELO.<\/p>\n

Stacey: Well, we must all walk our own path, I guess.<\/p>\n

Me: That’s for sure! And let me tell you, I do walk my own path. Always have. I have to be me. Just the way I am.<\/p>\n

Stacey: I’m sure you have lots of friends!<\/p>\n

Me: And just because one of them might say you’re on the spectrum, that doesn’t mean it’s true.<\/p>\n

Stacey: Are you high right now?<\/p>\n

Me: No. You?<\/p>\n

Stacey: No.<\/p>\n

Me: Just a regular Wednesday afternoon then?<\/p>\n

Stacey: Yep.<\/p>\n

Me: Do you get sent a lot of dick pics?<\/p>\n

Stacey: What do you think?<\/p>\n

Me: I think that you probably do.<\/p>\n

Stacey: Good guess. So, is there anything else I can help you with today?<\/p>\n

Me: Have you ever seen a ghost?<\/p>\n

( Stacey ends chat)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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