Yesterday I took my second driver’s lesson in the history of my life. It had probably been six weeks since my first session and I was happy to see my instructor, Alpas, again. As I’m still kind of nervous driving, I tend to talk quite a bit, or as our friend Jillian says, natter. In the course of my nattering I discovered that Alpas is from India and habitually goes back for a month or two in the winter, but since it was so mild in Toronto this year, he decided to stay in Canada.
Me: India, eh? I’ve always wanted to go there. It’s rich in colour.
Alpas: Yes, it is a lovely country.
Me: Do you do yoga?
Alpas: Me? No, I don’t.
Me: I tried it once, the teacher told me she was worried I was going to hurt myself and I should stop.
Alpas: Do not reach out for the blinker with your hand like that. It is close. Just move your fingers so that you don’t jerk the wheel.
Me: What? Oh, right. The blinker. Gotcha.
Alpas: Don’t look down! Keep your eyes on the road.
Me: So, if you don’t do yoga what do you do to stay in shape?
Alpas: Not much right now, prayer, I guess.
Me: Prayer?
Alpas: Yes, I pray five times a day.
Me: Yeah, but you just kneel down and put your head to the floor. I mean, that’s not much of a workout. That’s lame, Alpas.
Alpas: Check your rear-view mirror every five seconds. Turn left up at the stop sign.
Me: Yeah, I’m not sure if you can get away with saying prayer is a workout.
Alpas: I have to walk to the mosque five times a day. It is ten minutes to get there and ten minutes back, so I am walking for nearly an hour.
Me: Ah, I see. The Lord works in mysterious ways and he has a plan to keep you fit, doesn’t he, Alpas?
Alpas: God is great, it is true.
Me: What’s your favourite movie?
Alpas: I don’t really watch movies.
Me: Oh.
Alpas: You need to concentrate more, Michael. Your driving has fallen victim to rolling stops, wide turns, failure to check the mirror and speeding. You will need to improve very much before you can take the test.
Me: Man alive, and I haven’t even tried to park yet!
Alpas: You are a chatterbox. You must concentrate and be still when you drive, otherwise you will get distracted and cause an accident. Do you understand me?
Me: Am I in trouble?
Alpas: No, but you are heading down that road. Do you understand what I am saying?
Me: Yes.
Alpas: Alright, I will see you the same time next week, then.
