Shael, a friend of mine who runs a web site devoted to movies at
http://filmbutton.com/mainpage
asked me if I would appear on his radio show on CKLN 88.1 at the Ryerson College station on Thursday.
Fun!
Sure I would!
The studio, located in downtown Toronto, was a typical College venture, which meant that the music was blaring, all the chairs were broken duct taped, and that Reggae was the musical staple around which all programming orbited. I think our 30-minute segment was sandwiched between the Reggae and Heavy Metal Hour and the Real Reggae hour, which was to be followed by a three hour Reggae Revolution.
No matter, as we sat there preparing, Shael very patiently explained all the technical details to me. You know, what knobs to slide up and what knobs to slide down, what buttons to push, that sort of boring thing, and so, of course, I completely tuned him out and just kept nodding my head, feigning comprehension.
The result of this was that I failed to slide a knob up when I was supposed to, and our conversation, that I thought was off air, ended up on air, serving as a kind of vocal track to the dub that was playing on the show just before us.
This is the content of our conversation:
S: …And so after we talk about Easy A and Miller’s Crossing for about 20 minutes, then I’m going to mention the passing of Dino De Laurentiis.
MM: What does this knob do?
S: Just leave the knob alone.
MM: You’re a knob.
S: Fine. Look, do you know anything at all about Dino De Laurentiis? He produced around 500 movies.
MM: He did the original King Kong with Jessica Lange, right?
S: That wasn’t the original King Kong, Michael.
MM: Sure it was! You remember that scene when Kong tries to take of Jessica Lange’s top?
S: Yes.
MM: That was fucking awesome! I mean, I didn’t expect to find sexual assault by a gorilla a turn-on, but I have to say, it really worked for me! Hot, hot, hot! I guess you could get away with that, back in the good, old days before feminism!
S: (No response)
MM: She never got naked in King Kong though, although I thought there were plenty of good opportunities.
S: (No response)
MM: She was also pretty good in The Postman Always Rings Twice. You remember when Jack Nicholson took her—roughly– on the kitchen table? That’s the way I would take her, too. Few people know this about me, but I can be very sexually aggressive.
S: Oh, Sweet Jesus! Michael, you better not talk like this on air. Remember, we’re discussing the films Easy A and Miller’s Crossing.
MM: There was flour everywhere! And the panting and grasping, it was insanely hot, man. But you know, she never got naked in that movie, either, which was a rip-off. I don’t think she got naked in a movie until Titus, and by then it was way, way too late. She must have been, like 50. It was like watching a great hockey player still playing way past his prime.
S: (No response)
MM: Do you think maybe we could talk about hockey movies? I have a lot to say about hockey movies. Youngblood was fucking awesome.
It was at this point that Shael realized we were on the air and punched me in the head. You can actually hear the THOCK of his fist hitting my skull when you listen to the show on tape