Michael Murray has give the Blog over to Heidi, his Miniature Dachshund for the day.
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Bad days for Heidi, very dark days.
Weather cold and two-leggers I protect in den have gone crazy.
They bring new Alpha into pack. Strong two-legger who no smell of fear. He come into den twice a week and make them go run after ball, only no ball. Just run! Make no sense! Must be trick!
And then he make them do hard things to their bodies that make them cry out and say bad words to their Gods. They breathe hard and wobble, drink water like they just ate 7 hot dog! Sometimes four-eyed-two-legged-treat-giver collapse and begin to cry on floor. Shake for hours!
And now two-leggers never eat meat food! Eat seeds and pieces of trees! Horrible for Heidi! Bowls to lick after dinner have no meat sauce, no butter, just smell of skinny people that eat vitamin!
Two-leggers in pack now very unhappy!
Pretty two-legger always sad and angry about no chocolate and four-eyed-two-legged-treat-giver keep yelling,“Booze shouldn’t count as calories! It’s different!”
Always talking about what they put in body. So boring!
Gone completely insane.
Oh, and they always so angry! Constantly yelling BAD DOG if Heidi does even slightest thing. If Heidi smell a sock, suddenly BAD DOG!! Must be no sugar in brains anymore, just celery bits. Never know when next become the BAD DOG!
Make Heidi very jumpy!
Just the other day Heidi see old, fat Dachshund named Harley in parking lot and Heidi just lost her shit! Not know why, but just wanted to kill Harley! Rip throat out and scatter him about weeds! But mean two-leggers now faster, and run down stairs and stop Heidi, shouting BAD DOG, BAD DOG!!
Heidi must not be getting enough to eat. Very confused.
Now they want Heidi to make Christmas list. Not really in spirit, but do so anyway.
Heidi want:
1. Bone with meat on it
2. Want new pack Alpha who no smell of fear to smell of fear and then die
3. Ball that make squeak sound like dying cat
4. Back yard full of fat squirrels that think they’re faster than Heidi but aren’t
5. Meat (spoiled is fine)
6. Banana Republic sweater that Heidi can make nest out of so to sleep on
7. Heating pad
8. Worms. Heidi love rolling worms, smell good and make her feel sexy