As I get an awesome and overwhelming amount of fan mail, I find it very difficult to respond to each letter. However this week, I decided to respond to one, just to stay in touch with my admirers.
The email came from Luis Ramirez Gallego.
“Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones
I was looking at your photos and you are so hot
I want to meet you or talk to you some more
Message me on Messengarchat louisram.gallegoalltheway69@yahoo.com is my name there
Ill send you some pictures of myself on there
Ill be online all day as im bored
Thanks talk soon hun”
Dear Luis:
I really want to thank you for taking the time to write me and notice that I’m hot. Sometimes my hotness– the burning radiance of which does not always translate into pictures– can be elusive. But it’s there. It’s there in fucking spades, as you, a man of unusual perception and great taste, noticed.
But Luis, I don’t want you to become overwhelmed by the physical chemistry you feel toward me, and think that before we start to chat, we should see if we have anything else in common.
Do you have any hobbies besides writing hot guys you see on the Web?
I like to catch mice.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m a cat or anything! (Ha, ha) I just like the strategic challenge of trying to outwit a mouse using only a baseball bat.
What animals do you like to hunt?
The bible says, “all the animals of the earth, all the birds of the sky, all the small animals that scurry along the ground, (Luis, I take this to mean mice) and all the fish in the sea will look upon you with fear and terror. I have placed them in your power. “
God has made things pretty clear here, Luis.
This means that we can kill them for food, sport, or if they’re on our lawn or something. Private property is sacred! Do you agree?
I have to say, I sometimes kill mice with my bible. It’s a big bible, Luis, and it can be very effective if I haven’t been drinking and my coordination is still pretty stable.
There’s just something about mice that I hate, and have ever since I was a little boy when I started to construct anti-mice devices. I even went to a special school, but I guess it wasn’t really an academy for gifted mousers, but more like a school where they watch you to see what you do next.
Anyway, thanks for writing Luis, and I look forward to chatting with you soon!
Michael Murray