Dear Paul McCartney:
I just wanted to write you in heaven to let you know how much all of us here on Earth miss you. It’s hard to believe that it’s been 30 years since you were shot down in cold blood in front of your New York apartment while watering the plants.
I know you sang “imagine there’s no heaven, it’s easy if you try,” but now that you’re dead and been in heaven for a while, I was wondering if you’d rewrite those lyrics if you had a choice? Is heaven hard to imagine? Some people I know imagine heaven is a place where everybody has a full head of hair and lives in a 6, 000 square foot house complete with central air, hot tub, new windows and all the trimmings, while others say that heaven is actually on Earth.
Dish, Paul, dish!
I’ve always been interested in your view on hippies. It’s long been my position that you were too cute to be a hippy. (Not homo) I mean, the whole deal behind being a hippy was that “looks don’t matter, man!” But you had the looks in spades! I don’t know, it just seemed like a ploy by ugly people to get free sex, and if I were you, well, it would have bugged me to be forced to disguise my superior looks just so some ugly people could get some, too. That’s socialism in its worst and most pernicious form, I think.
You should know that the world has changed so much since you left us Paul! We now have a black President. Talk about a Revolution! His name is Obama Baraka and he was born in Africa. He wants to take our money and kill the middle class by forcing health care on us! I wish you were around to write a protest song about that!
The James Bond franchise, which seemed bulletproof, and for which you wrote the awesome song Live and Let Die, has gone kind of dry. It’s hard to imagine that such a dynasty, especially one led by the suave Roger Moore, would ever lose its popularity, but it has. I think it’s because of the video games, which are actually pretty cool, now.
And speaking of dynasties, China now dominates girl gymnastics, which as you know, used to be the exclusive domain of Soviets and a few Americans.
In fact, the Soviet Empire has crumbled and has been replaced by a Muslim Empire.
Anyway, nobody is even close to being as cool as The Beatles. U2 tried, but they weren’t even in the same ballpark, and believe it or not, The Rolling Stones are still going, but that’s just kind of creepy, like seeing your grandparents try to have sex.
Paul, I just wanted you to know how much you, your beautiful music and peace-loving ways are missed!
You’re the man!
Michael Murray