The truth is that I’m really not sure why I’m on Twitter, or what I’m hoping to accomplish by being there, and for that reason I’m pretty inattentive. But every once in a while I’ll post something and I’ve noticed that if you post on a particular subject—say religion—then a bunch of enterprises interested in marketing religion will automatically become your Twitter buddy, and so it’s come to pass that I now have a number of “Religiobots” in my network.
These “Religiobots” appear to be unmanned vessels of inspiration, with some program spitting out bible verses at appointed intervals, and never have I see any evidence that an actual person is participating in the proselytization.
The other day The God Tweeter sent out this message:
TGT: Obedience to the Word of God is the vehicle which carries believers into the miracle zone—Richard Bonnke.
For whatever reason, this made me think of football and all manner of American excess, of somebody driving a red, white and blue ATV into heaven, and on a whim decided to respond to the quote:
MM: That has to be one of the stupidest quotes I’ve ever heard in my entire life.
I did not expect there would be any sort of response, but just a few minutes later this message, directed at me from The God Tweeter appeared:
TGT: You’re one of the stupidest quotes I’ve ever heard in my entire life.
MM: Are you a child in grade two, God Tweeter?
TGT: The LORD is a jealous God, filled with vengeance and wrath. He takes revenge on all who oppose him and furiously destroys his enemies! (Nahum 1:2-8 NLT)
MM: what are you wearing?
TGT: The Lord is my armour.
MM: I’m wearing my Montreal Expos baseball hat and nothing else.
TGT: You should cover your shame.
MM: Do you mean the shame of being an Expo fan or the shame of my man region?
TGT: Friend, you are troubled, you should take shelter in the Lord.
MM: Since you write The God Tweeter, does that mean you’re a Twit For God?
TGT: Why are you being mean?
MM: I’m sorry, and remember, you said I was “the stupidest quote” you’d ever heard in your life!
MM: And that didn’t even make sense.
MM: Would you like to play a game of Scrabble? We can use only biblical words if it makes you more comfortable.
MM: If you could lay BELSHAZZAR down I think you’d pretty much win the game
TGT: I will pray for your soul.
MM: No you won’t.
TGT: Yes I will, peace be with you, prick.