As many of you know, I’ve been trying to win the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest for several months now, and for reasons that completely elude me, have yet to win, or even have one of my submissions nominated.
This is insane.
I’m crazy funny.
Look at this caption, and then look at the three stupid submissions that are being considered:
“You’re gonna have to roll me outta here.”
Everett Hartwell, Berkley, California
“I’d kill for some cream cheese.”
Joe Balding, Athens, Ohio ”
I think you just ate the spare.”
Andrew Pagoultos, Blairstown, N.J.
Lame, lamers and lamest.
This was my submission:
“Tumak feel gassy.”
Obviously, my submission (again!) was way better than any of the other offerings, and as such I have written a letter to the New Yorker.
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November, 12, 2011
Dear New Stupider Magazine:
Really, I wonder where you get your nerve.
Does it come out of a box, or something?
The fact that you choose to ignore my submissions, week after week, when they are so clearly superior to the lame-ass frailties you accept, just boggles my mind.
You wouldn’t know funny if it bit your face off, which it might.
And if you’re wondering, yes, that is real blood on the envelope.
Let’s just allow that statement to sit there for a moment, shall we?
I recommend you fire whatever moron intern or Japanese robot you have vetting the submissions.
Michael Murray