Rachelle just joined a Women’s League Ice Hockey Team called The Early Birds. She was offered a selection of about a half dozen numbers for her jersey and as I pretty much control every decision she makes, I offered my advice, which was to take number 7.
This was my rationale:
The number 7 has long been worn by hockey greats and is considered a sign of prestige. The great Gary Unger of the St. Louis Blues wore this number and he was known as “The Iron Man” as he played in nearly 1, 000 consecutive games. He had very progressive ideas about sex and was admired for his hair, the scent of which other players found pleasantly distracting.
Bobby Hull, known as The Golden Jet, wore this number. He was a man amongst men, famous for a booming slap shot that terrified this opposition. Although he went bald early in his career, he had a very hairy chest, which he was only too happy to expose at any opportunity. If a child needed a balloon blown up, he would take off his shirt to do it.
Phil Esposito, the most prolific goal scorer of his generation, proudly wore this number. Espo was well known for his grit and leadership skills, many people attributing a locker room speech he delivered to his teammates as the turning point in the great series between Canada and the USSR in 1972. Esposito loved telling fart jokes and was violently racist, particularly against the Romani.
Lanny Macdonald, a ginger, was a sniper on the Toronto Maple Leafs and he had the best mustache in the business. He once made a rookie have sex with a cat, considered a great locker room guy.
American Pie 7: The Book of Love, was easily the best movie of the franchise. Who could forget the vacuum cleaner attached to the penis scene? It was brilliant.
There were 7 days in the creation of the universe.
There are 7 deadly sins, including, lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride.
There are 7 Kingdoms in Game of Thrones.
Tim Horton, Toronto Maple Leaf and donut titan also wore this number. If you wear number 7, and you go to a Tim Horton’s coffee shop with your jersey on after a game, you will get a free coffee and donut, even if you’re a girl.
Rachelle, you don’t want to be any other number, embrace the 7 in you!