Explanation of Easter to a reader

Yesterday I got this letter from a reader:

Dear Michael:

What is the connection between the Easter Bunny and Easter? I’m a little bit shaky on Easter, quite frankly, but my rough understanding is that Jesus, the undisputed son of God, was killed on Friday, with his father’s avid approval, and that he rose again on Monday, defying parental authority and death at the same time. It strikes me that this would be something to celebrate, you know, really go big on, but it turns out that Friday is the holiday and I have to go back to work on Monday. WTF!? And then when they throw in some giant rabbit giving out chocolate eggs and I’m completely lost. Why don’t lions give out the eggs, or Jesus? Any help you can offer in clarifying this very confusing holiday would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Alfredo Simon

Dear Alfredo:

Congratulations on being named after a sauce!

Your parents really must have loved their pasta!

Anyway, an awful lot of people are confused by Easter and the idea of the Easter Bunny, so you’re not alone in your confusion. Thankfully, I should be able to help clarify matters for you.

First of all, the connections between Jesus and rabbits are plentiful, if not widely known. You know the story of the three kings bearing gifts at his birth, right? Well, there was a fourth king and he when he came to visit the baby Jesus and pay him tribute he was trailed by hundreds of rabbits. Many of these rabbits stayed with Christ, serving as pets and meals to the boy Jesus whenever money grew tight when Joseph was gambling again. For years, Jesus was known as “The Rabbit Whisperer of Galilee” for his gentle touch with the animals. It has been reported that on the third day after his death (Sunday) when people entered into his tomb and discovered that his body was not there, they found a multitude of bunny rabbits. (It has also been conjectured that these rabbits nourished Christ back to life by feeding him small, chocolate eggs that had the divine power of healing. Fact or fiction, I do not know.)

Rabbits are also connected to Passover. In olden days there was a hard-ass Pharaoh who despised the Israelites and made them slaves. They had to do awful things. Eventually, this upset God, who had been paying attention. He sent down 10 plagues including frogs, boils and thunder.

His ultimate plan, after this build-up, was to wipe out the first-born male of every Egyptian, but “Pass-Over” the first-born male of the Israelites. “That’ll show them,” thought God. He was pleased with his smiting, but decided to reward the Israelites further by granting each family a pet rabbit.

I am not sure why Friday is a holiday and we celebrate his death, instead of celebrating his rebirth and making Monday a holiday. My best guess is that Christmas was the reserved holiday for his birth, but it all seems kind of mixed up to me and I would refer you to Yahoo Answers.