Last night was the Jesus Cobras’ final regular season game in our coed floor hockey league. I was chomping at the bit and ready for action, as I missed our last game with a nosebleed I incurred from the excessive dry air in the bedroom, (as Rachelle is sometimes forgetful when it comes to filling the humidifier.
Surprisingly, the Cobras were able to win without my leadership on the floor that night, but it was obvious to me that if we were to get anywhere in the play-offs, they would need some of the “Murray Magic” they had grown so accustomed to.
As it turned out, Rachelle was concerned that I might get another nosebleed and didn’t think I should play. In fact, she said that the team had taken a vote last week and decided that it would be in the best interests of both me, and the Jesus Cobras, if I sat out this game in order to get my nosebleed situation under control, so that I might be in top form for the playoffs.
And so last night, as we took on The Enforcers, a team with a league wide reputation for being dirty, I served as coach. The game was fierce and chippy, and it was clear that the Cobras were missing my grit on the floor. One girl on their team– who wore a Chris Chelios jersey– was taking runs at everybody and generally trying to intimidate our players. Normally it would be my job to “take care” of such a situation on the court , but as I wasn’t playing, I could only scream at her, calling her “Slutty-O.” It seemed to throw her off her game. However, as Slutty-O is a bully with a weak character, and The Enforcers a bunch of hooligans, they got one of their players to steal my hat. NOT COOL.
During the switch over at half time, some guy who fancied himself a gangster knocked my hat off with his stick, and then he and Slutty-O played around with it like a puck, while I chased after it. Ha, ha, ha! After I got winded and gave up, I returned to my coaching station where I threw my Ginger Ale/Green Tea at them when they weren’t looking. This resulted in a big pushing match, that saw Keo, one of our defensemen, assume a martial arts fighting position. It was awesome!
Of course, it was my intention from the start to create a scenario where there would be some team bonding, uniting us as warriors for the upcoming playoffs, and I figured a brawl would be a great way to do it. At any rate, the game was canceled in a 5-5 tie, and it’s unclear at this point if both teams have been kicked out of the league, but if not, we’re playoff ready!