On Monday night, some sort of flying bug got loose in our apartment. This made me a little bit anxious, but as I wanted to show some leadership for Rachelle, I didn’t let on that it was scaring me. However, our dog completely lost her shit, spending the entire night hunting the thing. It was clear that a creature that was capable of flight had a great advantage in trying to evade a miniature Daschund, but our dog is, as they say, dogged, and so I decided to help her.
I will share with you some of the things that I learned while bug hunting.
1. Do not concern yourself with maintaining a ninja silence, as bugs cannot hear.
2. Do not bother trying to verbally intimidate the flying bug, as they cannot hear.
3. Although it is very difficult to coordinate a bug ambush with a dog, it is worth the effort. However, when doing so it is essential that you and the dog establish which one is the Alpha pack leader.
4. You will have better luck throwing pieces of chalk at the bug intruder than you will allergy sodden Kleenex. However, the chalk can chip the paint on the walls whereas the Kleenex merely makes a small mess, and there is the possibility that some bugs are attracted to human mucus.
5. You cannot burn a bug to death using a magnifying glass if it is nighttime and you have to try to amplify your keychain flashlight instead of the sun.
6. Do not bait any home made traps with jelly beans, as the dog will likely just eat them, and then collude with the flying bug so that more jelly beans are made available.
7. Excessive drinking while bug hunting may result in a loss of balance, causing falls that may wake up both your partner and your neighbours.
8. Opening all the windows and doors in the apartment in the hopes that the bug will go away while you sleep, may result in theft of computer equipment and is just as likely to increase bug population in the apartment as it is to decrease it.