For a whole variety of reasons, this summer has been shaping up to be a world of stress. Unfortunately, this has made increasingly irritable.
This is a rough glimpse of my weekend:
Irritant:
For nearly two hours, while eating brunch in a tiny, yet expensive restaurant, Rachelle and I sat next to a table of six. Of these six people, two were children who howled and screamed and threw toys all over the place. The adults, far from exhibiting shame or attempting to quiet them, brazenly indulged them, thus amplifying the ruckus.
Response:
I smiled thinly and tried to enjoy my meal, telling myself that it was not easy to be a parent and that they were likely doing the best that they could.
Popped two Advil.
Irritant:
Failure to win Lotto 6/49.
Response:
Told Rachelle that our investment portfolio was doing “surprisingly well,” and then went into the washroom and cut myself.
Had three glasses of wine with dinner.
Irritant:
Coinciding with construction workers tearing up my street, I noticed that due to striking garbage workers, city now smelled of vomit.
Response:
Closed all the windows in the apartment and went to the bedroom and watched “Far and Away” ( my favourite movie) three times in a row.
Drank a bottle and a half of wine.
Irritant:
Fruit fly infestation in the kitchen that was swarming around the remnants of the wine I had from my Far and Away-a-thon.
Response:
Yelled at the dog for 45 minutes for her failure to control the pest problem.
Irritant:
The humidity.
Response:
Told a panhandler to “ Go fuck yourself and your bad breath!” before throwing a box of Tic-Tacs at her.
Irritant:
While at the grocery store, the cashier, staring off in the distance, had her back turned to me while I was ready to checkout.
Response:
I threw my bottle of Ranch Salad Dressing on the floor, shattering it, and began to shout, “What does somebody have to do around here to get some attention?!!” Then, in an attempt to flee, ran into a shopping cart.
Irritant:
While at the hospital waiting to have my ankle X-Rayed after an accident at the grocery store, noticed that they had no current magazines in the waiting lounge.
Response:
Walked into the parking lot, got in an unattended ambulance, locked all the doors and turned on the siren and flashing lights, and refused to come out until they bought new People Magazines for the waiting room.
Made the eleven o’clock news.